Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, while others believe that they should be realistic and think about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many
people
believed
that young Wrong verb form
believe
people
are independent individuals with high levels of freedom in aspects like their career
. Despite some opinions Fix the agreement mistake
careers
stated
that youngsters should focus Wrong verb form
stating
in
Change preposition
on
the
reality and aim for Correct article usage
apply
careers
with high revenue, others are aware of the increasing balance in the income
of workers
from all industries
, as well as
uncertainties in the future
affecting traditional career
expectations. This
paper aims to assess these contrasting views with facts and information, combined with personal insights in
the topic.
The Change preposition
into
income
obtained by workers
from all kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
industries
have
been varied over many years, attracting youngsters to pursue Change the verb form
has
careers
in certain areas. In a survey conductuted
by the University of London in 2019, three of the most desirable Correct your spelling
conducted
jobs
reported by teenagers in the UK were Doctors, Lawyers and engineers, admiring their attractive salary
in supporting wealthier lives. Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
As a result
, there have been intense competitions across
students from secondary schools Change preposition
among
in securing
their seats in Change preposition
to secure
science related
subjects, Add a hyphen
science-related
which
I am convinced Correct word choice
and
that
the trend was influenced by the idea of being realistic in Correct word choice
apply
selection
of Add an article
the selection
a selection
careers
.
Despite current interests in young people
's career
pathways were
driven by realistic concerns, there have been many uncertainties and drawbacks in limiting these new Wrong verb form
being
workers
' imagination for their future
careers
.
Firstly
, income
gaps between workers
from different working sectors were gradually narrowed, breaking traditional expectations in career
and realities in sustaining living needs. In 2016, the annual salary for an American train driver Fix the agreement mistake
careers
has
reached fifty thousand dollars, overtaking many white-collar Unnecessary verb
apply
jobs
. If this
trend continues, I am certain that young people
could obtain good living qualities no matter what career
they were
pursuing in the Wrong verb form
are
future
.
Secondly
, demands for different industries
are constantly subjected to changes in the market, which
in my opinion it is unrealistic for young Correct word choice
and
people
to select certain
Correct article usage
a certain
career
just by
Change preposition
on
its
current Correct pronoun usage
their
income
level. At least 50000 employees were dismissed from the aviation industries
in 2022 due to
the Covid
pandemic, and many of them were pilots originally high in Correct your spelling
COVID-19
income
, demonstrating that even a job is attractive by its benefits, future
development is something challenging to predict. Meanwhile, if youngster
Add an article
a youngster
were dare
to chase Change the verb form
were dared
were daring
for
their dream Change preposition
apply
jobs
, I am confident there would be plenty of opporturnities
for them to have desirable returns.
All in all, the real picture Correct your spelling
opportunities
in
the working market has indicated that it is more practical Change preposition
of
from
young Change preposition
for
people
to pursue careers
freely, respecting current income
trends and unpredictable global developments. If all future
pillars of the
society can land Correct article usage
apply
on
their desired Change preposition
apply
jobs
, I believe that all of them will contribute the
world Change preposition
to the
with
a passionate manner.Change preposition
in
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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer structure. While the introduction and conclusion are well-presented, some paragraphs need more logical transitions to improve the flow of arguments.
task achievement
Try to provide more balanced examples and fewer generalized statements. While most data is relevant, balancing both views with equal depth is equally important.
task achievement
Enhance clarity by avoiding overly complex sentences. Simpler sentences can sometimes convey your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a thorough engagement with the topic by addressing both views and giving a well-articulated opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are particularly strong, framing your argument well.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples, which substantially support your main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.