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Band 3.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
Many people discuss about to make a longer weekend and transforming the working
week
 for the employed citizens.
However
, I disagree with the statement because it can extremely change
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and the economy in a negative way. In terms of precipitation, if the working
week
 becomes shorter ,it will cause to decline in salary, and in consequence, people will have smaller salaries and a decrease in quality of life.
For instance
, many economic studies have shown that the companies which tried the
short
Add a hyphen
short-week
show examples
week
 system demonstrated a reduction in
work
Correct article usage
the work
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 ethic and happiness of workers,
also
, productivity went down for the reason that with a small
salary
Add a comma
salary,
show examples
 they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lost motivation.
On the other hand
, it will be a problem for the economy.
The economic
Correct article usage
Economic
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 growth is linked with spending and money that go around folk,
however
, it will go down, if spending,which is reliable with salary ,
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 to become lower, and
for
this
reason
Add a comma
reason,
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 it reduces GDP.
For example
, in
Gonduras
Correct your spelling
Honduras
, the experience in the southern region was to analyse the economic changes by reducing working hours,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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 half of the citizens were unhappy with
reforms
Correct article usage
the reforms
show examples
 and asked to bring back old rules. In conclusion, the short working
week
 isn't a good practice for the companies and people.
Submitted by dimash.shaitmahmet on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic and provides a clear stance, it would benefit from more detailed arguments and elaboration to achieve higher clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
The organization is logical, but some transitions between points could be smoother. Adding connectors and improving paragraph cohesion will enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the main points, which strengthens the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in maintaining a logical flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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