IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the advertisement has positive economic effects, while others think it has social impacts because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #advertisement #effects #impacts #individuals
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There are many reasons
on
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apply
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why a lot of people think that public advertisement has different kinds of influence,
such
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 as the
effect
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 they have on the
economy
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, and the social
impacts
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they
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it
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create
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creates
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due to
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 the lack of individuals always needing more and rarely
have
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having
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 the feeling of being satisfied. Even though the social
impacts
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 they
give
Verb problem
have
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 are present, I strongly believe that
advertisements
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has
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have
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 more positive effects on the
economy
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 compared to the latter. The positive effects that the
economy
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 receives from
advertisements
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 are very evident, as it immensely helps the sales of certain
products
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 that
depends
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depend
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 on them.
In
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At
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 first glance, even if the
products
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 are visibly mediocre or low quality,
advertisements
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 can help them thrive in the market, taking great
effect
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 and making the said
products
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 greatly more appealing, resulting in a large shift in the
economy
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, helping the company that produces the advertised
products
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.
On the other hand
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, the social
impacts
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 of advertisement are surely present, but it does not
make
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have
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 as big of an
effect
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 compared to the
economy
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, since
advertisements
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 cannot appeal to every single person each with different needs. The impact
to
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on
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 society that
advertisements
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 produce can be immense, taking the example of McDonald's Japanese
anime centered
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anime-centered
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 ads, as it created a big opportunity for other companies to use the same tactic and appeal more to those kinds of people. In conclusion,
although
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 the social
impacts
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 that
advertisements
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 present are evidently there, it does not make as much impact or
effect
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 compared to what they serve to the
economy
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, as the
effect
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 is greater and more impactful
overall
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 because of the power to shift the industry of wherever their product is categorized at.
Submitted by millionmiles.indonesia on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs transition smoothly from one idea to the next. This will enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
task achievement
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Although they don't drastically affect your score, refining your language can make your essay more polished.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the argument effectively, providing a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and contribute to a coherent structure.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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