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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Many feel that today’s increasing demand for oil and gas must prompt scientists to look for new, future energy sources. Others feel we should not search for new energy sources because searching causes too much damage to the environment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#today’s #demand #oil #gas #scientists #future #energy #sources #search #damage #environment
Some
people
 believe that scientists should consider new and
alternative
energy
sources
 because of the ever-increasing demand for gas and oil.
However
, others believe that we should not search for alternatives because that causes
damage
 to the environment. I personally believe that
while
 finding
alternative
energy
sources
 can cause environmental
damage
, searching for new
alternative
energy
sources
 will help to reduce pollution. Increasing demand for gas and coal makes searching for new
alternative
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 which is challenging. It is very hard to find a new source of
energy
.
Moreover
, it is hard for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 to leave traditional
sources
 of gas and coal because of their availability.
People
 get used to
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the traditional
sources
 of fuel,
therefore
, they generally do not want to get rid of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Moreover
, if
people
 search for new
alternative
sources
, that might cause
damage
 to the environment.
People
 will try new
alternative
sources
 which can cause environmental
damage
 and that will be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the future.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth in analyzing both views. Add more specific examples and further elaborate on each perspective to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat clear but could benefit from better transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Try to link your ideas more cohesively to improve flow.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is brief and does not effectively summarize or reinforce the main points discussed in the essay. Make sure to restate your key points while drawing a clear conclusion.
task response
There are some grammar and vocabulary errors that affect clarity. Consider revising for more precise language and varied vocabulary to convey your ideas more effectively.
task response
The essay begins by presenting both views and clearly conveys your opinion, which is a good practice in addressing the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and body paragraphs are logically ordered, aiding reader understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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