IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT PARENTS SHOULD ENCOURAGE THEIR CHILDREN TO TAKE PART IN ORGANIZED GROUP ACTIVITIES IN THEIR FREE TIME. OTHERS SAY IT IS IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN TO LEARN HOW TO OCCUPY THEMSELVES ON THEIR OWN. DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

The way young people spend their free
time
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 has become a subject of debate among parents. Some believe that
children
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 should be signed up for
group
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activities
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.
Conversely
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, others argue that pupils should be taught to engage themselves on their own. In
this
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 essay, both views will be discussed, and I will present my opinion
at the end
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.
Activities
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 play a vital role in the upbringing of
children
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, and they prepare them for the future. Extracurricular
activities
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 enable the development of social skills from a young age.
Children
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 who get involved in
activities
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 from a young age make friends very easily; they are more likely to be outgoing and expressive, which helps them in their careers and daily routines.
For example
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, an individual will not feel hesitant
while
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 asking questions in a classroom setting, and they will ask about their interests confidently, so social skills never hold them back.
Therefore
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, these
group
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activities
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 provide lifelong learning.
Children
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 should
also
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 learn to spend
time
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 on their own, as
this
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 is considered a natural form of learning. It may activate their survival instincts because they will encounter real-life situations. Initial hiccups make them aware of lifelong lessons.
For example
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, an individual who knows how to stay alone will not be shattered in challenging situations
such
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 as heartbreaks. Spending
time
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 on their own helps them discover new strengths. In my view, we should balance both approaches. We should evaluate each child individually;
for example
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, if a child is found to be introverted, we may need to place them in different
group
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activities
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.
On the other hand
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, we should
also
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 evaluate those
children
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 who have a hard
time
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 staying alone; in
such
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 cases, we may need to reduce
group
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activities
Use synonyms
 gradually to teach them to enjoy their own company.

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development
Add more clear examples to back up each main idea.
introduction
Open with a short restate of the topic and a simple plan for the essay.
coherence
Link ideas with small connecting words and keep each sentence easy to read.
content
The essay shows a clear view and mentions both sides.
structure
The ending keeps a balance in the view.
style
It uses linking words like 'Conversely' and 'In my view'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
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