IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #diet #outweigh
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In a number of countries, following a vegetarian
diet
Use synonyms
 has become very popular.
Although
Linking Words
 being a vegetarian can limit the
options
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 when eating, I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because it allows the body to work properly. For vegetarian
Use synonyms
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
 it is difficult to find varied
options
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 to eat. Since the majority of the worldwide population
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a
diet
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 that includes animal
products
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,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 type of
food
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 is the one
that is
Linking Words
 normally available at
food
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 businesses.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 with a vegetarian
diet
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 have to choose between a limited number of plates or
products
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 when buying
food
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 or eating out.
For example
Linking Words
, in many popular restaurants in Colombia, the menu has only a short vegetarian section which includes only two or three plates that are completely vegetarian.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that those
options
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 that are offered are healthier than plates that are sold in large quantities. Following a vegetarian
diet
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 allows the body to work better.
This
Linking Words
 is because science has shown that when our human system digests animal
products
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,
such
Linking Words
 as meat, it has to work harder to process the
food
Use synonyms
 that it is not designed to receive.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have a
diet
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 based on plants and seeds are more prone to have a healthier life because they allow their bodies to focus their energy
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 normal processes.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who become vegetarian are less prone to get sick because their immune system has all the energy focused on fighting bacteria and not causing chronic inflammation because of the
food
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.
That is
Linking Words
 why I consider that following a vegetarian
diet
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 can have more benefits in the long term. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 vegetarian
people
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 have fewer
options
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 when buying
products
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 without animal ingredients, it is my belief that following a vegetarian
diet
Use synonyms
 has a positive impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
body
Change noun form
body's
show examples
 functions.
Submitted by aribawadzaki on

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task achievement
Ensure that the arguments are more balanced. Discussing both the advantages and disadvantages in more detail can improve the completeness of the response.
task achievement
Including more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures can enhance clarity and comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use transition words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported with relevant examples and explanation.
coherence cohesion
Arguments are presented in a logical structure, making the essay easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Vegetarian diet
  • Chronic diseases
  • Carbon footprint
  • Deforestation
  • Animal welfare
  • Nutritional deficiencies
  • Balanced intake
  • Societal norms
  • Meat-dominant
  • Sustainable living
  • Plant-based proteins
What to do next:
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