IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more students become unemployed after graduating from university. What are the reasons and solutions for this problem?

#students #university
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Having a job after leaving university has changed
to
Change preposition
into
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 an enormous issue.
This
 matter could have some reasons like the substitution of unqualified people with experts. Meanwhile, some alterations in attitudes towards getting certified
instead
 of acquiring a degree could be useful. To commence with, nowadays, being employed and finding a job has many conditions, which sometimes many of them could be detrimental. In the world of connections and relationships, the foremost priority is favouritism.
In other words
, in
this
 context, the knowledge of individuals has been substituted with being familiar with the powerful people who neglect the graduated
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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potential.
For instance
, in Iran, many of the
university graduated
Add a hyphen
university-graduated
show examples
 adults are replaced with those who are the advocators of the government
,
Remove the comma
apply
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and have strong religious beliefs.
On the other hand
, the mentioned issue could have some solutions. In many modern countries, people try to be experts and work in a field
that is
 their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
. Especially, in
this
 state, they can achieve their wishes just
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 paving an easy road, by getting certified.
In other words
, they can follow their dreams just after a short period, and enjoy the fruits of their
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
.
For example
, in Europe, many young adults are not interested in achieving a degree from a university.
Instead
, they believe that they can acquire more money through getting certified in a specific field. In a nutshell, employment has been very problematic. The
favoritism
Change the spelling
favouritism
show examples
 is one of the main reasons which could influence it negatively.
Also
, acquiring a certification
instead
 of a degree
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 could pacify the path of having a job.
Submitted by aksoysana on

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task response
Your essay responds to the task effectively, but you could expand a bit more on your ideas to provide a fuller response.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical structure to your essay, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Work on using linking words and phrases to make your writing flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Your main points are supported, but adding more specific examples and details could strengthen your argument.
task response
You have addressed the topic well and maintained a clear focus on the reasons and solutions for unemployment among graduates.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
Your examples are relevant and help to illustrate your points, making your argument stronger.
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