IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and inciude any relevant examples from your own.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals #inciude
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Nowadays world
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 facing several environmental issues that have a significant impact on
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives. Some people believe that the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 environmental problems is the loss
some
Change preposition
of some
show examples
 specific
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
plants
Use synonyms
 and
animals
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that there are several factors
contribute
Correct pronoun usage
that contribute
show examples
 to environmental changes. In my opinion, I agree that both aspect plays a significant role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
animals
Use synonyms
 and
plants
Use synonyms
showing
Wrong verb form
show
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 a
fundemental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 effect in our life sequences.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the deficiency of some
Use synonyms
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 or
Use synonyms
plants
Change the noun form
plant
show examples
 species might have an
advers
Correct your spelling
adverse
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 on
envirmonal
Correct your spelling
environ
 balance.
In addition
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, some
plants
Use synonyms
 are essential in
humudity
Correct your spelling
humidity
 balance and
wathear
Correct your spelling
water
weather
enhacement
Correct your spelling
enhancement
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
plants
Use synonyms
 have crucial roles
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
Carbion
Correct your spelling
carbon
 dioxide absorption and oxygen release.
However
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, some
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 have
play
Change the verb form
played
show examples
an essential roles
Correct the article-noun agreement
an essential role
essential roles
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Earth
Change noun form
Earth's
show examples
 balance. As
en
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 example,
occesion
Correct your spelling
occasion
animals
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as some
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
fishs
Correct your spelling
fishes
fish
,
dolphen
Correct your spelling
dolphin
dolphins
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 whales are promoting
occesion
Correct your spelling
occasion
 protection and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the number of people waste.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, global warming and air pollution have a
dertimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 effect on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, many of
humans
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humans'
human's
show examples
 bad habits are
axeclerating
Correct your spelling
accelerating
 the percentage of
gobal
Correct your spelling
global
 warming.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fossel
Correct your spelling
fossil
vessel
 fuels from conventional cars have an adverse effect on the quality of air.
However
Linking Words
, some industry factors are using banded material that can highly affect the number of pollution
result
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the number of medical illnesses
with increases
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.A recent study in the UK proves that the
mair
Correct your spelling
main
show examples
 reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
unbalance
Change the verb form
unbalances
show examples
 is the
overuseage
Correct your spelling
over usage
 of traditional
trasportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
such
Linking Words
 as cars,
buss
Correct your spelling
buses
show examples
 and trains.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are many factors
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 take into
consedration
Correct your spelling
consideration
 to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental issues.
In addition
Linking Words
,
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of particular
animals
Use synonyms
 or
Use synonyms
plants
Change the noun form
plant
show examples
 species
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a significant place on environmental problems.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution and global warming can highly affect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human safety.
Submitted by rahafalkhashti7 on

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Grammar
There are some grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'advers' instead of 'adverse,' 'envirmonal' instead of 'environmental,' 'occestion' instead of 'ocean,' etc.). Proofreading and correcting these mistakes will enhance the readability of your essay.
Cohesion
While you have presented a coherent structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, the logical flow between the sentences and paragraphs can be improved. Using more cohesive devices (e.g., 'In addition to this,' 'Therefore,' 'On the contrary') will strengthen the connections between your points.
Examples
Your examples are somewhat relevant but could be more specific and detailed. Adding more concrete examples and statistics will make your arguments more compelling and demonstrate a stronger task achievement.
Clarity
Some sentences can be rephrased for better clarity. For example, 'the mair reason of environment unbalance' can be rephrased to 'the main cause of environmental imbalance.' Refining sentence structures will help you convey your ideas more clearly.
Task Response
You have addressed both views presented in the prompt, and you have provided a clear opinion on the topic. This shows a solid understanding of the task requirements.
Structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is crucial for a coherent and cohesive structure.
Understanding
You have demonstrated awareness of various environmental issues, including the loss of species, global warming, and air pollution. This shows a broad understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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