With the rapid development of communication technology, such as smartphones, tablets, and other mobile devices, some people think the disadvantages outweigh its advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
technology era, every individual is using the
communication technology Correct article usage
apply
such
as laptops, phones
and tablets. Few people says
that disadvantages outweigh its benefits. I agree Change the verb form
say
to
Change preposition
with
this
but upto
some extent and will discuss Correct your spelling
up to
in
the following essay.
On the first hand, the first and foremost drawback of using mobile Correct pronoun usage
it in
phones
is weak eyesight. Nowadays young children are using mobile phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
for
Change preposition
apply
the
most of the time for playing video games, Correct article usage
apply
watching
social media and Correct word choice
and watching
this
affects their vision. For example
, after using phones
for two to three hours they feel dizzy and some
kind of headache Add a missing verb
have some
and
Correct word choice
apply
it
results in their vision.Correct pronoun usage
which
As well as
, they are not giving enough time to their studies Rephrase
Also
and
Correct word choice
apply
it
results in their grades. Correct pronoun usage
which
This
is the
waste of time.
Moving forward, most Correct article usage
a
of
Change preposition
apply
children
Add an article
the children
dosen't
want to play outdoor activities just because of playing Correct your spelling
doesn't
videos
games on tablets. Change the noun form
video
This
can affect their health. For instance
, studies was
done in 2023, which Change the verb form
were
shows
out of 20 kids 18 Correct subject-verb agreement
show
prefers
to play video games on tablets Wrong verb form
preferring
instead
of playing outside.
However
, thers
are Correct your spelling
there
few
advantages of Correct article usage
a few
this
technology. It helps to communicate with the
people who are far Correct article usage
apply
or
are living in another country. Before Rephrase
away or
phones
, it was hard to speak with someone who is
living far, used to Wrong verb form
was
write
letters that Wrong verb form
writing
takes
so many days. Wrong verb form
took
Phones
had took
Change the verb form
taken
place
of it and made life easier.
In conclusion, there are many drawbacks of Correct article usage
the place
phones
and laptops as they affects
Change the verb form
affect
the
health but Correct article usage
apply
positive
sides can not be neglected.Correct article usage
the positive
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay structure is clear by presenting a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs with topic sentences, and a strong conclusion.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific, diverse examples to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structures to enhance readability; try to vary your sentence types and avoid repetition.
task achievement
You addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a good level of balance and consideration.
task achievement
Your essay was able to present some relevant examples, which helped to support your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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