IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Education is widely recognized as a fundamental human right and a key driver of personal and societal development. What are the most significant benefits of education for individuals and society as a whole?

#education #right #driver #development #individuals #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Education
Use synonyms
 is widely known as a basic human right and an important driver of
Use synonyms
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 and collective development. The most crucial advantage of
education
Use synonyms
 for
individuals
Use synonyms
 is enabling them to get better livelihoods.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 for
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
,
education
Use synonyms
 helps
society
Use synonyms
 to escape
Use synonyms
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 trap and become a developed
Education
Use synonyms
 is a crucial
needs
Change the noun form
need
show examples
 for
individuals
Use synonyms
 as it will help them to remove the barrier of entering
labor
Correct article usage
the labor
show examples
 market related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 they attained from getting the
education
Use synonyms
. In fact, the higher
education
Use synonyms
 attained by someone, the higher wages they will acquire.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 helps
individuals
Use synonyms
 to
thinking
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 critically and
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
show examples
 them to be innovative
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will lead to getting
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 livelihood.
For example
Linking Words
, In the job vacancy,
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 attainment always
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 part of the requirements and
generally
Add a comma
generally,
show examples
 job vacancies are abundant for
Correct article usage
a bachelor
show examples
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 degree.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people who have attained
education
Use synonyms
 less than
Correct article usage
a bachelor
show examples
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 degree
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 lower
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 in competing for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 essential for a whole community as a community with
educated
Correct article usage
an educated
show examples
 civil
society
Use synonyms
 most likely will escape from
Use synonyms
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 trap. Usually, people who
attained
Wrong verb form
attain
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 will think critically and if they are
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a large scale, it will enable them to find solutions to the root problems that caused them trapped in
poverty
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the role of
education
Use synonyms
 can enhance the innovation that will help
society
Use synonyms
 to overcome challenges.
For instance
Linking Words
, an evaluation method called randomized evaluation
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was invented to gauge the impact of social
assistances
Fix the agreement mistake
assistance
show examples
 relative to
poverty
Use synonyms
 levels and will help
poverty
Use synonyms
 reduction efficiently.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 has a crucial role
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
show examples
 for personal and
society
Use synonyms
's economic development. Increasing the quality of
education
Use synonyms
 is needed as it will accelerate the advantages they can acquire.
Submitted by sariksma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the main topic but could benefit from a more comprehensive response in some places. Make sure to elaborate on how education helps create a developed society beyond just economic factors.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay follows a logical structure, refining topic sentences for each paragraph would enhance clarity. For example, you might clearly distinguish between individual benefits in one paragraph and societal benefits in another.
task response
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides some relevant examples, such as the link between education levels and job opportunities.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, summarizing the key points effectively.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: