IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Write on the following topic. The most important function of music is that it helps people reduce stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or expirience You should write at least 250 words

#topic #function #music #people #stress #expirience
There is no denying that a huge number of
people
 are fans
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
music
. So does
music
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 an
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on our modes and can really change it? It is argued by a huge number of
people
 that
music
 can make their
phycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
show examples
 heath better,
while
 others see that it can not make any sense. I personally believe that some tones can make my day. First of all, everyone has
faviorate
Correct your spelling
favourite
 singers that make him like all their songs even if those songs all not his type. To make it more clear, I really admire Mohammed
Abdu
Change noun form
Abdu's
show examples
 songs, because I am a big fan
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 and I know so many fans that love
hime
Correct your spelling
him
 more than me. It means if you like a person you will like every
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
show examples
 done by him.
Secondly
,
people
 can utilize
music
 to
treate
Correct your spelling
treat
create
 themselves if they listen to the right song in the right situation.
For example
,
according to
 WHO listening to
music
 can give more positive energy. It means if you have a long
tierd
Correct your spelling
tired
 day or a terrible experience, you can listen to
a queit or calm
Remove the article
queit or calm music
a piece of queit or calm music
show examples
music
 which will help you feel
comfurtablre
Correct your spelling
comfortable
 and
joyfull
Correct your spelling
joyful
joyfully
.
To sum up
,
although
 so many
people
 do not like listening to
music
, I believe if they search more in the
music
 world, they will find
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 mode that they would like.
Submitted by tiofz.alabri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure your points are more consistently supported with relevant examples. The essay provides some examples, but they can be more specific and tied directly to your main points.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. For instance, consider revising sentences that are too long or contain multiple ideas for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Improve the variety of vocabulary used to make your essay more engaging and clear. Repeating the same words or phrases can make the text less interesting and lower the overall quality of the essay.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as mentioning WHO and a famous singer, to support your points. This helps make the argument more relatable and concrete.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion. These sections frame the essay well and provide a complete response to the task prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: