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Writing Samples
Band 5

Now a days people are admiring media and sports stars even though they don’t set a good example. Do you think it is positive or negative development.

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Currently, there is a debate in modern society about some famous films and sports stars and it is a heated one. Some individuals are influenced by them, whilst others do not. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will argue it is a negative development. On the one hand, most proponents of superstars strongly have been arguing hard about them, and it is not only admiring, which is significant.
In other words
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, since of becoming social applications wildly popular majority of stars have gained huge audiences they watch them continuously and have tried to live like them.
For example
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, in my country, the majority
of
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apply
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65 per cent of youngsters have been changing their lifestyle to match theirs, which
is
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apply
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affects their approach badly
as a result
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.
On the other hand
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, I
advocate
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believe
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 it is absolutely negative, because the great part of celebrities around the world
not
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are not
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 really suitable models to be admired greatly.
This
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 means, that those notorious humans have
a
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apply
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rude behaviour which is obvious throw their reactions and attitudes.
However
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, a big group had not acquired a basic education
too
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either
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.
For instance
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, there is a famous team which is
on
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one
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the
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apply
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of the most trending content creators,
has
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which has
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 been spreading a sexual culture among children and
this
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 creator has millions of followers unfortunately. The substantial point is, how those will be good examples inside the communities
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and weather
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weather
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whether
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 they would affect youngsters
as well as
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 adults negatively
as a consequence
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. In conclusion, role models should be educational, knowledgeable and beneficial for the community to have aware generations lead to incredible development.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, but there are areas where clarity could be improved. Make sure each paragraph has one clear main point and that your examples are directly relevant to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, some sentences are complex and may confuse the reader. Try to simplify your sentences and ensure each one flows logically from the previous one.
introduction conclusion present
You have a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument effectively. Your stance on the issue is clear from the start.
complete response
Your essay tends to stay on topic and addresses the question of whether admiring media and sports stars is a positive or negative development.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • admiration
  • influence
  • celebrity culture
  • endorsement
  • controversy
  • normalization
  • self-esteem
  • body image
  • mental health
  • consumer behavior
  • social norms
  • economic trends
  • cultural trends
  • privacy
  • ethical concerns
  • social responsibility
  • platform
  • obsession
  • public behavior
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