Now a days people are admiring media and sports stars even though they don’t set a good example. Do you think it is positive or negative development.
Currently, there is a debate in modern society about some famous films and sports stars and it is a heated one. Some individuals are influenced by them, whilst others do not. In
this
essay
I will argue it is a negative development.
On the one hand, most proponents of superstars strongly have been arguing hard about them, and it is not only admiring, which is significant. Add a comma
essay,
In other words
, since of becoming social applications wildly popular majority of stars have gained huge audiences they watch them continuously and have tried to live like them. For example
, in my country, the majority of
65 per cent of youngsters have been changing their lifestyle to match theirs, which Change preposition
apply
is
affects their approach badly Unnecessary verb
apply
as a result
.
On the other hand
, I advocate
it is absolutely negative, because the great part of celebrities around the world Verb problem
believe
not
really suitable models to be admired greatly. Add a missing verb
are not
This
means, that those notorious humans have a
rude behaviour which is obvious throw their reactions and attitudes. Correct article usage
apply
However
, a big group had not acquired a basic education too
. Rephrase
either
For instance
, there is a famous team which is on
Correct your spelling
one
the
of the most trending content creators, Correct article usage
apply
has
been spreading a sexual culture among children and Correct pronoun usage
which has
this
creator has millions of followers unfortunately. The substantial point is, how those will be good examples inside the communities Correct word choice
and weather
weather
they would affect youngsters Correct your spelling
whether
as well as
adults negatively as a consequence
.
In conclusion, role models should be educational, knowledgeable and beneficial for the community to have aware generations lead to incredible development.Submitted by yasirstudying on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, but there are areas where clarity could be improved. Make sure each paragraph has one clear main point and that your examples are directly relevant to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, some sentences are complex and may confuse the reader. Try to simplify your sentences and ensure each one flows logically from the previous one.
introduction conclusion present
You have a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument effectively. Your stance on the issue is clear from the start.
complete response
Your essay tends to stay on topic and addresses the question of whether admiring media and sports stars is a positive or negative development.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!