Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In
mordern
days, being competitive is regarded by some Correct your spelling
modern
people
as an attribute ideal in working and academic environments, while
others would find cooperation
essential in alleviating stresses, as well as
achieving success with effort combined. This
paper aims to assess these contrasting views with personal insights attatched
.
Being Correct your spelling
attached
elites
Fix the agreement mistake
elite
have
always been admired by many Correct subject-verb agreement
has
people
in some countries
like Singapore and Korea, with students
and employees strived
to achieve results above satisfactory. Research Wrong verb form
striving
have
demonstrated that Change the verb form
has
due to
intense competitions
within the education system, Singaporean Fix the agreement mistake
competition
students
' intellengence
in subjects like Science and Maths Correct your spelling
intelligence
are
ranked one of the highest among Change the verb form
is
students
from other countries
that
I Correct pronoun usage
apply
believed
it is understandable that some Wrong verb form
believe
people
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
competition
as a crucial component in the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
While
competition
have
positive benefits Change the verb form
has
to
Change preposition
for
countries
, there are some drawbacks which
Change preposition
in which
cooperation
are
always helpful to Correct subject-verb agreement
is
the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
Firstly
, cooperation
is supportive to
Change preposition
of
peoples'
well-being. A survey conducted in Korea has suggested that more than 60% of the workforce Change noun form
people's
respondent
have reported that have experienced Fix the agreement mistake
respondents
burnouts
on a frequent basis Fix the agreement mistake
burnout
due to
the intensive competition
in jobseeking
and in the office. If some Correct your spelling
job seeking
unecessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
necessary
competition
can be removed from working environments and being
replaced by Unnecessary verb
apply
cooperation
, I am certain that people
's mental health would be improved.
Alongside health concerns, cooperation
is favouring the exchange of ideas and efficiency in achieving goals. In Hong Kong, more and more schools have offered robot design sessions for their students
to learn values such
as team work
and communication from the experience, where children must surrender their own ideas into group efforts. In a collective society, I am convinced that it is more than competing between individuals, but to gather and combine insights and opinions Correct your spelling
teamwork
instead
.
All in all, although
some level of competition
is positive for some countries
to develop, cooperation
is a value fundamental in powering societies not just to move forward, but also
overcoming
challenges in a combined manner. If more cooperative values could be injected into different societies across the globe, I am optimistic that our world could be more peaceful and progressive in the future.Change the verb form
to overcome
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grammar
The essay often switches between singular and plural forms inappropriately (e.g., 'Students and employees strived' should be 'Students and employees strive'). Focus on consistency in grammatical number to improve clarity.
clarity
Some sentences are long and complicated, which might make it hard for the reader to follow. Try breaking them into simpler sentences to improve readability.
spelling
Be sure to proofread for minor spelling errors and typos (e.g., 'mordern' should be 'modern', 'intellengence' should be 'intelligence'). These small mistakes can be distracting.
support
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, making the essay informative and engaging.
structure
Both the introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively frame the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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