People now spend more and more time at home than in the past. What are the reasons for this development and what its effects on people and society.

#people #time #home #development #effects #society

Spending more

time

in their

home

is not a rare matter nowadays; compared to the past, most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

would prefer to stay at

home

currently. For

this

phenomena

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phenomenon

show examples

, it could be

conculded

Correct your spelling

concluded

serveal

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several

reasons and

also

come with some of the

effects

Firstly

advance

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advanced

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technology altered the traditional social pattern,

then

cultivate

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cultivated

show examples

people

to have a "new" social life compared

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show examples

the past. The

inprovement

Correct your spelling

improvement

the

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apply

show examples

technology,

for example

, the Internet, cell phones and other electronic devices and so on, which

broght

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brought

huge convenience to

human

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humans

show examples

In other words

people

could communicate through their

phone

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phones

show examples

, and

ingored

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ignored

the

limitation

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limitations

show examples

of geography and

time

. Every

messages

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message

show examples

emails

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show examples

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

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sent is instant and

effeicency

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efficient

Moreover

with

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apply

show examples

the advancement of

the

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apply

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electronic devices,

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apply

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allowed

people

could have many

entertainments

Fix the agreement mistake

entertainment

show examples

home

Hence

people

would not need to hang out with

thier

Correct your spelling

their

friends because they could fulfill their social needs

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via

show examples

the Internet.

Secondly

, COVID-19 shaped

people

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people's

show examples

life

pattern

Fix the agreement mistake

patterns

show examples

and working mode to more stay at

home

Due to

the outbreak of the pandemic,

poeple

Correct your spelling

people

were asked to stay at

home

for a long

time

. During the restriction,

people

were not allowed to work outside and go

ourside

Correct your spelling

outside

. Some of the companies

also

set new rules to let their staff members

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apply

show examples

handle the

works

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work

show examples

from

home

then

. After the results, nowadays, some

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apply

show examples

the

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apply

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companies already

adapted

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adopted

show examples

the new working mode which is

work

Wrong verb form

working

show examples

from

home

. And they did not need to work outside, so that should be one of the reasons considered that why

people

spend more

time

home

than in the past.

However

this

situation

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does

show examples

bring some negative

effects

people

and society. For

the

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apply

show examples

personl

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personal

effects

people

now prefer to stay at

home

which might

be led

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lead

show examples

unhealthy

Add an article

an unhealthy

show examples

lifestyle

. Since

people

are

adapting

Correct your spelling

adopting

show examples

the

lifestyle

of staying at

home

, it might be

estbalished

Correct your spelling

established

some bad

habbits

Correct your spelling

habits

for them.

For example

sandetary

Replace the word

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle

should be considered as one of the negative

effects

of staying at

home

. They

intends

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intend

show examples

to not

going

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show examples

outside

for doing

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to do

show examples

some sports or

strecthing

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stretch

their body.

Thus

, it enhances

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the

show examples

possibility of obesity,

lack

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and lack

show examples

Vitamine

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vitamin

show examples

Consequently

, they are

unconsiously

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unconsciously

consciously

cultivating a

lifestyle

which might ruin their health because of spending too much

time

home

For

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From

show examples

the

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show examples

social

perspectives

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perspective

show examples

people

are shaping a new social interaction

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with

show examples

new

Add an article

a new

the new

show examples

generation, which might

led

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lead

show examples

the

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to the

show examples

new

generation

Change noun form

generation's

show examples

lack of social skills. Nowadays

people

are more willing to

doing

Wrong verb form

show examples

eveything

Correct your spelling

everything

home

, like social interaction, working or shopping.

However

this

way might be easier to shape their children

rely

Fix the infinitive

to rely

show examples

on the Internet, and

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

not know how to communicate with others in reality. Since

eveything

Correct your spelling

everything

could be done at

home

or online, those children might not be able to come out

with

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show examples

their comfort zone, and it causes some issues for their growth.

For instance

, the

childre

Correct your spelling

children

are not able to talk to strangers. As a

results

Correct the article-noun agreement

result

show examples

this

phenomena

Fix the agreement mistake

phenomenon

show examples

can cultivate the new generation with negative social skills. In

conculsion

Correct your spelling

conclusion

people

are more willing to spend

time

home

due to

the

convience

Correct your spelling

convenience

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology and the restrictions since COVID-19's outbreak than in the past.

However

, it does bring some influences which should be reflected and

pay

Wrong verb form

paid

show examples

attention to tackle them.

Submitted by asllchkied on Wed Oct 02 2024

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grammar

Work on reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure for better readability.

content

Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing the effects on individuals and society.

cohesion

Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of the essay and make it more cohesive.

content

The introduction clearly states the topic and provides a brief insight into what the essay will discuss.

organization

The main points are well-structured, and arguments are logical and easy to follow.

content

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
73Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

544 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Technological advancements
Remote work
Streaming services
Smart home devices
Safety and security
Pandemics
Family bonding
Sedentary lifestyle
Home-cooked meals
E-commerce
Home delivery services
Foot traffic
Extended community
Health issues

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People now spend more and more time at home than in the past. What are the reasons for this development and what its effects on people and society.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society?

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is , therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree ?

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue the government should support the funds for arts, while others argue that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both those views and give your opinion.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for spots or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.