IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at early age .punishment is necessary o help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? what short of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children ?give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own lnowledge and experiences.

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there is no denying the fact that it's important kids learn the difference between correct and wrong from
beginning
Correct article usage
the beginning
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,
while
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 is
commonly
Correct article usage
a commonly
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 held belief that
punishment
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is
Verb problem
plays
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significant
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a significant
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 role
to grow
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in growing
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 up
them
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apply
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correctly, there
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also
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is also
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 an argument that opposes it .In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 I will consider
the
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apply
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punishment
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is
Correct your spelling
as
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 one of
a
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the
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 methods used to guide
a
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apply
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children to
correct
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the correct
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 way in
the
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apply
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life .
To begin
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 with,
for
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apply
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every action is
there
Replace the word
their
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 reaction,
in
Correct word choice
and in
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 turn, when
child
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a child
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make
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makes
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wrong
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a wrong
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 should be punished,
In other
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words
Add the comma(s)
words,
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 he should
now
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know
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 the responsibility
of
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for
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 his behaviour and correct
this
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 mistake maybe avoid disaster in Future,
for instance
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, I punish my son by restrict
him
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his
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 access to internet and tablet on
daily
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a daily
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 base ,as result I push him out to play with others children that will increase his society and reduce his aloneness ,As
report
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a report
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 released from Pew Research Center in USA finding that phone and tablet screen contribute in the ADHD issue for children around 80% . Another
point
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 to consider,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
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 the
purchasing
Fix the agreement mistake
purchase of
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 sweets products for
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 is
Add an article
an affective
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Correct your spelling
effective
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affective
Correct your spelling
effective
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 way to
Verb problem
apply
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make
Correct your spelling
take
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 control and let
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 know wrong and right, it is possible to say that we hit two
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point
Change to a plural noun
points
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by
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with
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this
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punishment
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firstly
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 we minimize the consumption of sweets which has bad effect for there body and not healthy ,
secondly
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 it is considered as
punishment
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 for them
finally
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 punish In conclusion, despite people has different views, I tend to say I am absolutely with short
punishment
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 and should don not forget reward them from other hands so let them always between the good
point
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 and bad
point
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 and let them collect more good
point
Use synonyms

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task response
The essay shows a clear attempt to address the topic and provide a response. However, there are several language inaccuracies and some points are unclear due to awkward phrasing. Make sure you proofread your essay to correct these errors.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear and consistent structure by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with one main idea each. This will help improve the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will help make your arguments more convincing and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
task response
The essay shows an understanding of the question and attempts to respond to all parts of it. This is a good starting point.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument.
task response
Some relevant examples are provided to support the main points, which adds depth to the argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral development
  • disciplinary methods
  • corporal punishment
  • time-outs
  • loss of privileges
  • empathy
  • social responsibility
  • reinforce boundaries
  • alternatives to punishment
  • supportive approach
  • understanding approach
  • behavioral issues
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • modeling behavior
What to do next:
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