When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Establishing green areas and sports
centers
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centres
show examples
should be more
priviledged
Correct your spelling
privileged
than shopping complexes when it comes to
design
Wrong verb form
designing
show examples
residential areas. I totally agree with
this
view on the grounds that recreational places are
direct
Replace the word
directly
show examples
effective on citizens' mental health and shopping can be carried out
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
the aid of
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
nowadays. It is an undeniable fact that everyday life makes people more tense and
anxtious
Correct your spelling
anxious
. In order to combat
this
issue,
presence
Correct article usage
the presence
show examples
of parks is crucial. Because these places offer a variety of activities
such
as walking around or simply enjoying the fresh air.
Such
activities are vital for people from every age
groups
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group
show examples
.
Moreover
, taking part in sportive activities
also
fosters
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
positive
moods
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mood
show examples
.
According to
the
researches
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research
show examples
that
were
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was
show examples
carried out, being physically active helps to release hormones that
responsible
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are responsible
show examples
for happiness, which are
endorphine
Correct your spelling
endorphins
endorphin
and dopamine.
Hence
, building more
such
complexes
contibutes
Correct your spelling
contributes
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
wellbeing of the whole.
Furthermore
, online shopping has
broaden
Change the verb form
broadened
show examples
its effectiveness massively for 10 years.
Using at
Verb problem
In
show examples
every household,
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
helped individuals to get rid of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
shopping
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Therefore
, from
grocery
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groceries
show examples
to clothing
items
Add a comma
items,
show examples
nearly every product can be purchased from the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. For that reason, many a person
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
not need to see shopping malls anymore. Another aspect of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online shopping that needs to be taken into consideration is cost efficiency. Since paying for property, which is to display items, is not necessary, much could be purchased for bargain prices. In conclusion, remote shopping developments have already eased individuals' mandatory purchasing burden. So, aiming
citizens'
Change preposition
at citizens'
show examples
mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
must be the priority in terms of new
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
planning.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines your position, which is excellent. However, there are minor spelling errors like 'priviledged' instead of 'privileged', and 'anxtious' instead of 'anxious', which need to be addressed for higher precision.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is mostly logical and flows well. However, some sentences could have better transitions for a smoother read. For example, 'Because these places offer...' could be rephrased to 'This is because these places offer...'. It’s a minor point but it helps with the flow.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and stays on point throughout the response, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
You use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary effectively, contributing to a well-rounded essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban planning
  • recreational infrastructure
  • community cohesion
  • sustainable development
  • green space
  • land use
  • civic amenities
  • quality of life
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • economic stimulus
  • pollution mitigation
  • environmental benefits
  • cultural enrichment
  • mental well-being
  • commercial viability
  • public consultation
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