When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Establishing green areas and sports
centers
should be more Change the spelling
centres
priviledged
than shopping complexes when it comes to Correct your spelling
privileged
design
residential areas. I totally agree with Wrong verb form
designing
this
view on the grounds that recreational places are Linking Words
direct
effective on citizens' mental health and shopping can be carried out Replace the word
directly
by
the aid of Change preposition
with
Correct article usage
the internet
internet
nowadays.
It is an undeniable fact that everyday life makes people more tense and Capitalize word
Internet
anxtious
. In order to combat Correct your spelling
anxious
this
issue, Linking Words
presence
of parks is crucial. Because these places offer a variety of activities Correct article usage
the presence
such
as walking around or simply enjoying the fresh air. Linking Words
Such
activities are vital for people from every age Linking Words
groups
. Fix the agreement mistake
group
Moreover
, taking part in sportive activities Linking Words
also
fosters Linking Words
individual's
positive Correct article usage
an individual's
moods
. Fix the agreement mistake
mood
According to
the Linking Words
researches
that Fix the agreement mistake
research
were
carried out, being physically active helps to release hormones that Correct subject-verb agreement
was
responsible
for happiness, which are Add a missing verb
are responsible
endorphine
and dopamine. Correct your spelling
endorphins
endorphin
Hence
, building more Linking Words
such
complexes Linking Words
contibutes
Correct your spelling
contributes
the
wellbeing of the whole.
Change preposition
to the
Furthermore
, online shopping has Linking Words
broaden
its effectiveness massively for 10 years. Change the verb form
broadened
Using at
every household, Verb problem
In
internet
helped individuals to get rid of Add an article
the internet
the
shopping Change the word
their
problem
. Fix the agreement mistake
problems
Therefore
, from Linking Words
grocery
to clothing Fix the agreement mistake
groceries
items
nearly every product can be purchased from the Add a comma
items,
internet
. For that reason, many a person Capitalize word
Internet
does
not need to see shopping malls anymore. Another aspect of Correct subject-verb agreement
do
the
online shopping that needs to be taken into consideration is cost efficiency. Since paying for property, which is to display items, is not necessary, much could be purchased for bargain prices.
In conclusion, remote shopping developments have already eased individuals' mandatory purchasing burden. So, aiming Correct article usage
apply
citizens'
mental Change preposition
at citizens'
wellbeing
must be the priority in terms of new Correct your spelling
well-being
neighborhood
planning.Change the spelling
neighbourhood
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task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines your position, which is excellent. However, there are minor spelling errors like 'priviledged' instead of 'privileged', and 'anxtious' instead of 'anxious', which need to be addressed for higher precision.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is mostly logical and flows well. However, some sentences could have better transitions for a smoother read. For example, 'Because these places offer...' could be rephrased to 'This is because these places offer...'. It’s a minor point but it helps with the flow.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and stays on point throughout the response, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
You use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary effectively, contributing to a well-rounded essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.