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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant
#bar #percentage #graduates #european #country #period #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart below
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 illustrates the proportion of males and females who are
are at
Verb problem
in
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 their first 20's and graduated but still
remained
Wrong verb form
remain
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 unemployed.
Overall
, It is
noticible
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that the number of unemployed men was almost twice of the women's,
whereas
, they experienced almost similar figures on July 09. Giving more data, the proportion of men in the chart, fluctuated
widly
Correct your spelling
widely
wildly
 during these 2 years,
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 peak
at
Change preposition
on
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Oct
 09,
although
 it remained stable
in
Change the preposition
on
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 Jan 09 and April 09,
which
Correct word choice
when
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 the female percentages
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
 dramatically by 7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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. and it was a sharp increase of unemployment after July 09 which was almost twice the numbers. Following that, European
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 experienced the most unemployed young people in
Oct
 09, with 23 percent for men and 18 percent for women. All in all, It was a normal percentage of the
participents
Correct your spelling
participants
 before
Oct
 08, but It saw an upward trend to hit
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Oct
 09 for both genders between these 2 years.
Submitted by parmida.kharazi on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words oct with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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