Some people think that some type of criminals should not go to prison, instead they should do unpaid work in the community. To what extent do you agree?
Nowadays criminal activities are becoming more and more common in our
society
. Someone might suggest that sentencing the lawbreaker to the
prison is not the most Correct article usage
apply
efficent
Correct your spelling
efficient
way
of managing human resources, instead
they should spend their time helping others. Add a comma
instead,
Im
concerned that Correct your spelling
I'm
this
is the best way
of punishment that we have today.
The first reason is that different countries around the globe are already facing the dificit
of space in jails. It is a common problem for places with a large crime rate Correct your spelling
deficit
such
as Mexico, where prisons are struggling to provide a
decent Correct article usage
apply
condition
for inmates. Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
Its
a known fact that most of the time prisoners do nothing but sit in their block cells, Replace the word
It's
It is
however
, there are some activities that the lawbreaker must do during his dayly
routine, which might include cooking, Correct your spelling
daily
laundring
, sewing and so on. Correct your spelling
laundering
laundry
However
, this activities
are aimed to satisfy only Change the determiner
this activity
these activities
Correct article usage
the prision’s
prision’s
needs by providing all of the resources for criminals using their own powers. It seems to be a good strategy at Correct your spelling
prison’s
first,
yet it do
not bring any help Change the verb form
does
for
Change preposition
to
society
itself, thats
why sentencing people who committed felonies for community work Correct your spelling
That
are
becoming more common practice Correct subject-verb agreement
is
due to
the ineffectiveness of today’s prison system. There are different programs that provides
the Change the verb form
provide
as called
rehabilitation courses for the ones who decided to make the wrong turn in their lives by giving them an opportunity to do some community work for the good of Correct your spelling
so-called
society
. This
way
they did
not only get punished but Unnecessary verb
apply
also
do something useful for the ones they tried to harm.
A second reason comes from the concern that citizens who pay for the prisoners
coexistence should get something in return. It is obvious that Change to a genitive case
prisoner's
prisoners'
government
can not provide all of the needed resources to the prisons without taxpayers. Correct article usage
the government
However
in today’s Add a comma
However,
reality
there are significant lack of payback to the ones who actually support the criminals. What’s more, there is a common practice among Add a comma
reality,
the
homeless people when they purposely commit a crime in order to get in jail to have a roof above their Correct article usage
apply
head
, Fix the agreement mistake
heads
while
that’s a quiet
better alternative for them. From my perspective, In these cases forced community work is the only Correct your spelling
quite
way
to somehow satisfy the citizens who pay for the acts of those people.
In conclusion, it is vital to provide feedback to society
. It is also
necessary to judge everyone with fair
and deliver Rephrase
fairly
most
suitable punishment for the Correct article usage
the most
lawbreaker
actions.Change noun form
lawbreaker's
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the issue and addresses most parts of the prompt effectively. However, there are some areas where your arguments could be more fully developed, particularly the second reason which could be expanded to include more comprehensive examples and implications.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical flow, there are occasional lapses in cohesion due to awkward phrasings and minor grammatical errors. Work on smoothing the transitions between your ideas and improve sentence structures for better readability.
coherence cohesion
Some of your sentences have minor grammar and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'dificit' should be 'deficit', 'prision' should be 'prison', 'daily' instead of 'dayly', 'laundring' should be 'laundering'). Make sure to proofread your essay or use grammar-checking tools to avoid such errors.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction clearly introduces the topic and your stance, which sets a strong foundation for your essay.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points of the essay and reiterates your position clearly.
logical structure
The main points in your essay are relevant and logically organized, which makes your position easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.