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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with students behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest？

#countries #schools #students #behaviour #suggest？
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In many countries, many schools
suffer
Verb problem
struggle
show examples
 to tackle
problems
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 with student behaviours. The causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem are not having efficient
professionals
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 to understand the
problems
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 of
students
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, and not having empathetic
teachers
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. To solve
this
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 problem, efficient
professionals
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 should be allocated for
students
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, and
teachers
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 should practice empathy to understand the needs of
students
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. Many schools have a lack of efficient
professionals
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 to understand the
problems
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 of
students
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.
School
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-going
students
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 are mainly children and teenagers and
due to
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 their growing period, they go through a lot of changes and complexities physically and mentally. Each
school
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 requires efficient and experienced counsellors to understand and solve the
problems
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 of
students
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.
In addition
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,
teachers
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 are not empathetic towards their
students
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.
Students
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 sometimes become rude, indisciplined and even violent, and
teachers
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 do not know how to address those behaviours.
For example
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, in Australia, every secondary
school
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 has
student
Correct article usage
a student
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 counsellor to address the complex needs of
students
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. To solve
this
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 issue, every
school
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 should have experienced
professionals
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 who have expertise in child and adolescent psychology. They will observe, understand and analyse the behaviours of
students
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 and provide them with plausible solutions.
In addition
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, As
teachers
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 directly teach
students
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, they should be empathetic to understand their challenges and needs.
Teachers
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 should go through some professional
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 to understand the needs and challenges of
students
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 to achieve their goals.
For instance
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, in all secondary schools in the UK,
teachers
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 must practice some important skills
while
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 communicating with their
students
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. It helps them to understand the feelings and needs of their
students
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. In conclusion, I completely agree that
students
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 should be understood by their
teachers
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 properly, and each
school
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 should have counsellors to understand the needs of
students
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.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Strengthen your argument by providing more detailed examples and evidence. This will help in effectively proving your points and enhancing the persuasion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity. Well-structured paragraphs help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the two parts of the prompt effectively by identifying both causes and solutions, reflecting a good understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
Your essay presents innovative solutions by suggesting professional training for teachers and the involvement of psychologists, showing a good level of critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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