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Band 6.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with students behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest？

#countries #schools #students #behaviour #suggest？
In many countries, many schools
suffer
Verb problem
struggle
show examples
 to tackle
problems
 with student behaviours. The causes of
this
 problem are not having efficient
professionals
 to understand the
problems
 of
students
, and not having empathetic
teachers
. To solve
this
 problem, efficient
professionals
 should be allocated for
students
, and
teachers
 should practice empathy to understand the needs of
students
. Many schools have a lack of efficient
professionals
 to understand the
problems
 of
students
.
School
-going
students
 are mainly children and teenagers and
due to
 their growing period, they go through a lot of changes and complexities physically and mentally. Each
school
 requires efficient and experienced counsellors to understand and solve the
problems
 of
students
.
In addition
,
teachers
 are not empathetic towards their
students
.
Students
 sometimes become rude, indisciplined and even violent, and
teachers
 do not know how to address those behaviours.
For example
, in Australia, every secondary
school
 has
student
Correct article usage
a student
show examples
 counsellor to address the complex needs of
students
. To solve
this
 issue, every
school
 should have experienced
professionals
 who have expertise in child and adolescent psychology. They will observe, understand and analyse the behaviours of
students
 and provide them with plausible solutions.
In addition
, As
teachers
 directly teach
students
, they should be empathetic to understand their challenges and needs.
Teachers
 should go through some professional
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 to understand the needs and challenges of
students
 to achieve their goals.
For instance
, in all secondary schools in the UK,
teachers
 must practice some important skills
while
 communicating with their
students
. It helps them to understand the feelings and needs of their
students
. In conclusion, I completely agree that
students
 should be understood by their
teachers
 properly, and each
school
 should have counsellors to understand the needs of
students
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Strengthen your argument by providing more detailed examples and evidence. This will help in effectively proving your points and enhancing the persuasion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity. Well-structured paragraphs help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the two parts of the prompt effectively by identifying both causes and solutions, reflecting a good understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
Your essay presents innovative solutions by suggesting professional training for teachers and the involvement of psychologists, showing a good level of critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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