Too much emphasis is given to education on the young. More government money should be spent on the free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary epoch, some
people
underscore the importance of education
for young generations. In addition
, from these people
's standpoints, the government should parioritize
expenditure on activities which youth do in their pastime. Correct your spelling
prioritize
prioritise
This
essay wholeheartedly agrees with this
debate.
On the one hand, education
plays a crucial role in the young people
's lives. Not only do individuals with a high level of education
have a
capability to provide welfare for themselvesChange the article
the
,
they Add the word(s)
, but
also
can provide a good life for their families and relatives. Owing to obtaining a lot of money from education
, young people
are able to fulfill
their childhood dreams. Change the spelling
fulfil
Moreover
, it is obvious that people
who pursue education
in their lives, make better decisions in comparison with other people
. For instance
, studies have shown that people
who do not care about schooling commit more criminal activities compared to people
who have academic education
.
On the other hand
, the governments must spend more money on recreational facilities that are employed by youth. This
work must be done because, whenever government officials do not care about people
's lifestyles especially
youngsters, they with a high possibility do wrong deeds. Add the comma(s)
, especially
Due to
a deficiency of their experience
it is normal that they are deceived by wrongdoers. For a prime example,
Add a comma
experience,
according to
DEA's report, 20 % of American teenagers consume drugs, and this
rate is significantly more than other age groups drug using
.
In conclusion, both Replace the word
use
education
and paying attention to activities that young people
do in their free time are crucial. Ordinary people
and politicians, thus
, concentrate on these sectors.Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on
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task achievement
Make sure to effectively balance the discussion between the two perspectives. Discuss both the importance of education and the significance of free-time activities with equal depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between different parts of the essay to enhance the logical flow. For instance, better connecting the two main paragraphs can improve coherence.
task achievement
Include more specific and relevant examples to enrich your arguments. Solidify your points with clear, real-world instances that clearly illustrate your stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main stance and summarizing the argument effectively.
task achievement
The argument for the role of education and the necessity of recreational facilities for young people are both presented, offering a balanced perspective.
Your opinion
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