Too much emphasis is given to education on the young. More government money should be spent on the free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the contemporary epoch, some

people

Use synonyms

underscore the importance of

education

Use synonyms

for young generations.

In addition

Linking Words

, from these

people

Use synonyms

's standpoints, the government should

parioritize

Correct your spelling

prioritize

prioritise

expenditure on activities which youth do in their pastime.

This

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essay wholeheartedly agrees with

this

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debate. On the one hand,

education

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plays a crucial role in the young

people

Use synonyms

's lives. Not only do individuals with a high level of

education

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have

Change the article

the

show examples

capability to provide welfare for themselves

Add the word(s)

, but

show examples

they

also

Linking Words

can provide a good life for their families and relatives. Owing to obtaining a lot of money from

education

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, young

people

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are able to

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

their childhood dreams.

Moreover

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, it is obvious that

people

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who pursue

education

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in their lives, make better decisions in comparison with other

people

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For instance

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, studies have shown that

people

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who do not care about schooling commit more criminal activities compared to

people

Use synonyms

who have academic

education

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On the other hand

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, the governments must spend more money on recreational facilities that are employed by youth.

This

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work must be done because, whenever government officials do not care about

people

Use synonyms

's lifestyles

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

youngsters, they with a high possibility do wrong deeds.

Due to

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a deficiency of their

experience

Add a comma

experience,

show examples

it is normal that they are deceived by wrongdoers. For a prime example,

according to

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DEA's report, 20 % of American teenagers consume drugs, and

this

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rate is significantly more than other age groups drug

using

Replace the word

use

show examples

. In conclusion, both

education

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and paying attention to activities that young

people

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do in their free time are crucial. Ordinary

people

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and politicians,

thus

Linking Words

, concentrate on these sectors.

speher2000behroozifarWed Oct 02 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to effectively balance the discussion between the two perspectives. Discuss both the importance of education and the significance of free-time activities with equal depth.

coherence cohesion

Ensure smooth transitions between different parts of the essay to enhance the logical flow. For instance, better connecting the two main paragraphs can improve coherence.

task achievement

Include more specific and relevant examples to enrich your arguments. Solidify your points with clear, real-world instances that clearly illustrate your stance.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main stance and summarizing the argument effectively.

task achievement

The argument for the role of education and the necessity of recreational facilities for young people are both presented, offering a balanced perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

260 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

overemphasis
burnout
well-being
mental health
social inclusion
non-academic skills
recreational facilities
antisocial behaviors
extracurricular activities
diverse interests
personal growth
real-world skills
intellectual society
undue stress
teamwork
societal development

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Too much emphasis is given to education on the young. More government money should be spent on the free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Do you agree that supermarkets are a threat to small shops and local communities?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this idea?

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of problems and what measures could be taken to solve them.

These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.