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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,
the
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apply
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young individuals are stressed about their academic success. Because of
this
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, some individuals think that traditional
subjects
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such
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 as English, Mathematics, and Science should be prioritized regardless of other
subjects
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such
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 as physical education and cooking, and these should be removed from the
school
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 syllabus to focus only on academic work. I disagree with
this
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 statement, and I would like to shed some light on my point of view.
To begin
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 with, academic education has the most indulgent impact on child education during
school
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life
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 and beyond.
However
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, only conducting the area of study will not be helpful to build up an individual mindset to perform a good amount of practical work in society
due to
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 the fact that performing mitigated sessions in the area of physical or practical
subjects
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 in the
school
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.
Furthermore
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, these practical
subjects
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 have been proved
in
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by
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 various researchers in past decades,
as well as
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 that
this
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 will reduce the epidemic result to child
life
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 by heavy mitigation of
stress
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 upon academic
subjects
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.
However
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, there are a huge number of incidents reported regarding the younger generation, who have experienced bad feelings about society because they are not involved with external people and lack practical knowledge about how they survive in society.
In addition
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 to
this
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, scientific observation was carried out to find the best way to control the individual's
stress
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 level during
school
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 or university
life
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, and it has been vividly highlighted by performing a variety of surveys in these places to get proper
measurement
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measurements
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 of the dropdown
stress
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 of
the
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apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the controversial factor about removing the practical
subjects
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 from the syllabus would have a dramatically negative effect on the child and younger generation by indirectly causing a
causing a
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apply
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hefty amount of
stress
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 involved with them.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will enhance the depth of your discussion and make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main idea. Sometimes the argumentation can be more direct and clearly linked to the central premise. Consider making the connections between ideas more explicit.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear disagreement with the idea of removing non-academic subjects, showing a firm stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame and wrap up your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay is generally maintained, making it easier for the reader to follow your line of thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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