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Band 5

What are the advantages and disadvantages of spending a holiday in your own country compared to traveling abroad? Discuss both perspectives and provide your opinion on whether staying local or traveling internationally is more beneficial.

#holiday #country #perspectives
Nowadays, there are many
like
Correct pronoun usage
who like
show examples
 to travel their local or international
site
 seeing at their
lerisure
Correct your spelling
leisure
 time.
This
 essay will
dissuess
Correct your spelling
discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
perspetives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
 of
traval
Correct your spelling
travel
 in your own country and visit other destinations abroad.
For
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my
own
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
opinion,
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 types of travelling are both important and have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact on my life. More
undersatang
Correct your spelling
understanding
 of the local culture is the benefit
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 visiting the local
site
. Every
singal
Correct your spelling
single
 country must have their own heritage and history for exploring. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society, many working
adult
Change to a plural noun
adults
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 very busy
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dealing with
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 pressure and no more
hoilday
Correct your spelling
holiday
.
Therefore
, spending a
hoilday
Correct your spelling
holiday
 in your own city can let them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
feel
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the short
hoilday
Correct your spelling
holiday
.
For example
: more and more travel
agency
Fix the agreement mistake
agencies
show examples
 hold
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local
tour
Fix the agreement mistake
tours
show examples
 for visiting the countryside of Hong Kong,
many
Correct word choice
and many
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 local people are willing to join,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
can show
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 the popularity of the local tour.
About the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 disadvantage, people may feel crowded when they visit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in Hong Kong. Hong Kong is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high-density city, many international tourists come
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there for shopping or
site seeing
Correct your spelling
sightseeing
show examples
.
Broaden
Wrong verb form
Broadening
show examples
 the horizon is the main advantage
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 travelling abroad. People can enjoy the different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 or
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 including foods, music, and arts of other countries. Visiting the museum or
hesitage
Correct your spelling
heritage
site
, you can know more about the history or mindset of
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
citiy
Correct your spelling
city
.
For example
:
visiting
Rephrase
when visiting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 traditional temple in
japen
Correct your spelling
Japan
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists feel calm and relaxed because the temple
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many traditional
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
 and
history
Fix the agreement mistake
histories
show examples
. Huge
expediture
Correct your spelling
expenditure
 must be the disadvantage of
vitising
Correct your spelling
visiting
vitalising
 other counties. Air tickets and
accmmodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 are expensive and not to
affort
Correct your spelling
afford
effort
 easily. When visiting abroad, the tourists always are willing to pay for special culinary or
souvenoir
Correct your spelling
souvenir
souvenirs
.
Therefore
, many
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
plan
Change to a plural noun
plans
show examples
 must be arranged. I think that visiting the local or international are both have advantages and disadvantages. It
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on how long your vacation
and
Add a missing verb
is and
show examples
 your
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
 situation. If you only have
2
Correct article usage
a 2
show examples
-3 day
hoilday
Correct your spelling
holiday
,
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling to
show examples
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 area is a suitable choice.
On the other hand
, if you have a long
hoilday
Correct your spelling
holiday
 and enough
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
 budget,
travalling
Correct your spelling
travelling
 abroad must be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
wonderful for exploring different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 in other countries.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on ensuring the logical flow and clarity of your ideas. Connect the ideas more seamlessly to improve readability and coherence.
task achievement
Ensure you provide a balanced discussion of both perspectives to fully address the task requirements. Ensure ideas are clearly comprehensive and relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a framework for your ideas.
task achievement
You have included examples to support your points, which adds depth to the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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