IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#market #notebook #computer #manufacturers #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table compares the
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 of several
computer
Use synonyms
brands
Use synonyms
 around the world in three particular years; 2006, 2007, and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that HP, Dell, and Toshiba
computer
Use synonyms
brands
Use synonyms
 showed an upward trend,
while
Linking Words
 Samsung, Lenovo and Fujitsu
computer
Use synonyms
brands
Use synonyms
 experienced a slight fluctuation over the years.
Conversely
Linking Words
, other
computer
Use synonyms
brands
Use synonyms
 had a downward trend
throught
Correct your spelling
throughout
through
 the period. In 2006, the
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 of HP brand was 31.4% which gradually increased to 34.25% by 2014, making it the dominant
manufactuter
Correct your spelling
manufacturer
 among other
brands
Use synonyms
.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, Dell's production
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 16.6% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 and significantly rose to 26.12% by 2014.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
Toshiba
Correct article usage
the Toshiba
show examples
 brand had only 6.2% of
Use synonyms
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
share
Use synonyms
 in 2006 before slightly
climbed
Wrong verb form
climbing
show examples
 to 8.12%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Samsung's production was 11.6% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
market
Use synonyms
 in 2006 before falling to 10.7% by the next year.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 number slowly rose to 14.20% by the end of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
. Lenovo and Fujitsu
brands
Use synonyms
 had a similar movement, their
market
Use synonyms
 shares were 6.6% and 4.8%, respectively, before decreasing to 6.2% and 2.3% by 2007. Their figures,
however
Linking Words
, moderately climbed to 7.10% (Lenovo) and 3.1% (Fujitsu) by 2014.
In contrast
Linking Words
, other
brands
Use synonyms
' production had 22.8% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
market
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 in 2006 and sharply decreased to 7.11% by 2014.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words market, share, computer, brands with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • market share
  • percentage points
  • market presence
  • ranking
  • market leader
  • least market share
  • total market share
  • market consolidation
  • market diversification
  • new entrants
  • exits
  • highlight
  • compare
  • decline
  • increase
  • improvement
  • loss of ground
  • manufacturer
  • worldwide
  • notebook computer
  • notable
  • significant
What to do next:
Look at other essays: