Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us t buy things. othere people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It goes without saying that
people
are using
mobiles
Change the noun form
mobile
show examples
phones to pay the
bill
. An argument has
bees
Correct your spelling
been
show examples
put forward that different countries paying
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
increasing
Change the word
increasingly
show examples
using
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
own mobile
app
Fix the agreement mistake
apps
show examples
to pay
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
. In my opinion,
this
statement
hold
Change the verb form
holds
show examples
a valid ground. There are many reasons
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
advantages in
given
Add an article
the given
a given
show examples
statement.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
they are now safe to
cary
Correct your spelling
carry
money
before
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caring
Verb problem
carrying
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
defficult
Correct your spelling
difficult
difficulty
because
thief
Fix the agreement mistake
thieves
show examples
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
and robe them.
Furthermore
, It's now easy to transfer
money
to
shopkeeper
Fix the agreement mistake
shopkeepers
show examples
and they check easily by using
cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. What is more,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
using
cell
Correct article usage
a cell
show examples
phone
app
is much better
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
caring
money
Change preposition
for money
show examples
because no one
see
Change the verb form
sees
show examples
how much
money
you have.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
people
think that paying
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
are much easier
whith
Correct your spelling
with
cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
because we easily pay
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
from home using
phone
Add an article
the phone
a phone
show examples
.
Therefore
, using
cell
Add an article
a cell
the cell
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
to pay tuition fees is
easire
Correct your spelling
easier
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
givening
Correct your spelling
giving
given
money
by hand to
institoute
Correct your spelling
institute
.
Lastly
,
people
feel comfortable and
relaxe
Correct your spelling
relaxed
relax
to using
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
and
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
mediciane
Correct your spelling
medical
money
with
Add an article
the app
show examples
app
Fix the agreement mistake
apps
show examples
.
However
, some
people
might argue that disadvantages
also
also
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
become they believe that the
money
value
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
not as that as they have and
people
will not collect
paper
note
Fix the agreement mistake
notes
show examples
as it's important.
According to
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
our
yound
Correct your spelling
young
generation will not see the
paper
note and they will never know about
paper
note importance. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
although
paying
money
using
cell
Add an article
a cell
the cell
show examples
phone
with
app
Add an article
the app
an app
show examples
is much easier
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
traditional way,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
people
think that
paper
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
good.
Therefore
, We must use
cell
phone
app
Fix the agreement mistake
apps
show examples
to pay for things
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
it's easy, easy to carry, etc.
Submitted by saifkhandik1 on

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task achievement
Try to develop your arguments with more depth and provide specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help in making your essay more compelling and comprehensive.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical errors and typographical mistakes. These minor inaccuracies can distract the reader and affect the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your essay clearly. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence and ensure your ideas flow logically and cohesively.
coherence cohesion
You've included an introduction and conclusion, helping to frame your argument within a structured format.
task achievement
You attempted to discuss both views as required by the task, which is a positive indicator of addressing the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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