IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the few decades, there have been more and more cases of famous people being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the media should have no right to privacy. To what extent do you agree?

#decades #cases #people #press #media #right #privacy
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It goes without saying that
people
Use synonyms
 are using mobile
phones
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 to pay
the
Change the word
their
show examples
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
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. An argument has been put forward that different countries paying bills increasingly using their own mobile apps to pay the amount. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 statement holds a valid ground. There are many reasons for the advantages in the given statement.
To begin
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 with, they are now safe to carry
money
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 before carrying
money
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 was too
much
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
difficult because thieves
comes
Change the verb form
come
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 and rob them.
Furthermore
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, It's now easy to transfer
money
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 to shopkeepers and they check easily by using
cell
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phones
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. What is more, using a
cell
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phone
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 app is much better than caring for
money
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 because no one sees how much
money
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 you have.
Moreover
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,
people
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 think that paying
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
 are much easier with
cell
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phones
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 because we easily pay bills from home using a
phone
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.
Therefore
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, using
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
cell phones
a cell phone
show examples
cell
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phones
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 to pay tuition fees is easier than giving
money
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 by hand to
institute
Correct article usage
the institute
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.
Lastly
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,
people
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 feel comfortable and relaxed
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using their
phones
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 and paying medical
money
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 with apps.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
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 might argue that disadvantages
also
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 become they believe that the
money
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 value is not as that as they have and
people
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 will not collect
paper
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 notes as it's important.
According to
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 them, our young generation will not see the
paper
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 note and they will never know about
paper
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 note importance. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
although
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 paying
money
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 using a
cell
Use synonyms
phone
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 with the app is much easier
the
Change preposition
than the
show examples
 traditional way,
people
Use synonyms
 think that
paper
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 is
also
Linking Words
 good.
Therefore
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, We must use
cell
Use synonyms
phone
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 apps to pay for things because it's easy, easy to carry, etc.
Submitted by saifkhandik1 on

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task achievement
Work on providing stronger and more specific examples to support your points. This will help clarify and validate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs for each main point. This will enhance the logical flow and make it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You’ve provided an introduction and conclusion, which help structure your essay nicely.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and covers both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • hounded
  • sensational news
  • unwarranted scrutiny
  • blurs the line
  • public interest
  • pervasive
  • public persona
  • complex relationship
  • invasive
  • ethical frameworks
  • privacy is upheld
What to do next:
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