In many countries today, young people are forced to get a job which they are not suited to, suited to or passionate about. What do you think may be the reason for this? What problems might this cause?
Job or profession is fundamental for our lives since it is crucially responsible for supporting and maintaining our society per se. In developing countries, there are various types of professions, ranging from farming to the IT industry.
Furthermore
, the number of people who start and have their own companies has increased.
Admitting that it is a matter of relativity whether young people are forced to work, which they do not want today, the answer varies from person to person, depending on the value systems or the environment that we belong to. All in all, I believe that there are two reasons and effects that correspond to them respectively.
First and foremost, I reckon that the problem is relevant to our academic record. Many companies seek students or workers who have certain technical skills or capacities to deal with tasks swiftly to increase their profitability and good financial results. Linking Words
Thus
, these abilities are measured by students’ university names. Linking Words
As a result
, the trend may cause mismatches among students who cannot enter a high-level university.
Linking Words
Second,
but not less important, most jobs require experience to mature, and the process is often boring and mundane. Linking Words
For example
, my friend entered a computer company to create a novel technology that Linking Words
enbles
automatic driving. Correct your spelling
enables
However
, the position is only for engineers who have mastered the relevant skills, and he has worked at a factory and assembled computers.
In conclusion, younger people struggle to seek job positions that are suitable for individuals. Linking Words
However
, there are several difficult conditions to do so. That’s my view.Linking Words
Submitted by hide8335 on
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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides relevant reasons and effects for the given situation, which is a good start. However, task response can be improved by deepening the analysis of each reason and providing more specific examples for better illustration.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the ideas presented are thoroughly explored and backed by examples or evidence to strengthen the arguments. This will help you to achieve a higher score in task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents ideas logically, but the transitions between ideas could be more fluid. Ensure that each paragraph naturally flows into the next for better coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to clearly link each main idea back to the overall question, particularly in your body paragraphs, to enhance the argument's cohesiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively setting up and summarizing the argument.
Task Achievement
You have successfully identified two key reasons why young people might work in jobs they are not passionate about, showing a logical approach to tackling the essay prompt.
Task Achievement
Good attempt at providing an example in the second main point to illustrate the idea discussed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.