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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays more and more older citizens who are looking for a position have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

#citizens #position #people #jobs
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In today’s job
market
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market,
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 older people are increasingly competing with younger individuals for the same positions.
This
 situation leads to various issues for both age groups. One significant problem is age discrimination. Employers often perceive younger applicants as more
as
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apply
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energetic, flexible and
tech- savvy
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tech-savvy
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, leaving older candidates at a disadvantage.
This
 may lead to older individuals finding it difficult to get a job, even if they are more experienced. Another issue is the wage gap. Older employees might request higher salaries
due to
 their experience, which makes them less appealing to employers who can hire younger workers for a lower wage. To tackle these issues, one solution is to encourage lifelong learning. Government and business companies should offer training programs to help older people enhance their skills and stay current with the latest advancements in their industries. Another solution is to promote equal employment opportunities for all age groups.
Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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 the government should strengthen policies to ensure fairness in hiring processes.
To sum up
,
while
rivalry
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the rivalry
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 between older and younger people is unavoidable, solving the issues through training and fair policies can create
more
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a more
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 balanced job market.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Consider using more specific examples to illustrate your points; for instance, mention specific training programs or policies that have been effective in the past.
task achievement
Ensure all ideas are clearly and fully developed; for instance, you mentioned age discrimination but could elaborate on its implications more.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using transition words or phrases that link your ideas more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a clear statement of the main issue, setting a good stage for the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a distinct focus, contributing to a well-organized essay.
task achievement
The essay offers practical solutions and addresses the problem fully, showing good task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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