Central and local governments make a frantic attempt to promote festivals to create a lot of revenue. Some people think this money should be invested in social programmes for the poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

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Central and local authorities try to encourage festivals to make
income
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an income
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while
Linking Words
,
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apply
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other people argue that income should
spend
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be spent
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on reducing
the
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apply
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poverty . Personally, it is better to boost social programmes
l
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for
individuals who are poor in our society and at the same time
i
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I
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am firmly agree
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firmly agree
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with
this
Linking Words
statement because the government should consider both ideas . On the one hand, encouraging social institutions have
very
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a very
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crucial part of our society especially
focus
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focusing
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on education have
a
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the
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best way to increase financial improvement. By
this
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i
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I
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mean we should spend more and more money on schools or universities because in
long
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the long
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term it is
great
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a great
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method to decrease the poverty rate and
clever
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a clever
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idea to
rise
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raise
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the
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apply
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revenue. educating citizens
have
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has
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a lot of benefits .
For example
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, they can change their
behavior
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behaviour
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it means
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which
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might reduce the crime rate or
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increase
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increased
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increased it
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.
On the other hand
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, promoting the festivals
it
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apply
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is
also
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important for tourism and it will
increse
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increase
the number of
tourist
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tourists
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.
This
Linking Words
means more and more people come to visit our country and it will support the revenue
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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good opportunity to encourage places that are beautiful.
For instance
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, the coachella is
most
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apply
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biggest festival in
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
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world so many international people go there just
watch
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to watch
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the concert. In conclusion,
i
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I
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support
the
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apply
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both
concept
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concepts
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amd
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and
neither of them great way to earn
lot
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a lot
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of value.
Submitted by tselmuunzagaa on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay clearly addresses the prompt. Although you have mentioned both sides of the argument, your own position could be more clearly stated and justified with stronger arguments and clearer organization throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on refining the logical flow of your essay. The transition from discussing social programs to tourism could be smoother, and the connection between sentences and paragraphs could be clearer to enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and elaborate on your points. For example, explaining how education directly alleviates poverty with detailed examples or data could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion. These elements frame the essay, helping guide the reader.
Task Achievement
You touched on key aspects: the impact of festivals on tourism and revenue and the value of investment in social programs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • frantic attempt
  • promote festivals
  • revenue generation
  • cultural heritage
  • national pride
  • economic boost
  • job creation
  • pressing issues
  • disadvantaged communities
  • long-term benefits
  • cycle of poverty
  • balanced approach
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • economic growth
  • underprivileged sections
  • social welfare
  • tangible impact
  • public health
  • crime rates
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