Central and local governments make a frantic attempt to promote festivals to create a lot of revenue. Some people think this money should be invested in social programmes for the poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

#governments #attempt #festivals #revenue #people #money #programmes

Central and local authorities try to encourage festivals to make

income

Add an article

an income

show examples

while

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

other people argue that income should

spend

Wrong verb form

be spent

show examples

on reducing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

poverty . Personally, it is better to boost social programmes

Correct your spelling

for

individuals who are poor in our society and at the same time

Change the capitalization

show examples

am firmly agree

Change the verb form

firmly agree

show examples

with

this

statement because the government should consider both ideas . On the one hand, encouraging social institutions have

very

Add an article

a very

show examples

crucial part of our society especially

focus

Wrong verb form

focusing

show examples

on education have

Change the article

the

show examples

best way to increase financial improvement. By

this

Change the capitalization

show examples

mean we should spend more and more money on schools or universities because in

long

Correct article usage

the long

show examples

term it is

great

Add an article

a great

show examples

method to decrease the poverty rate and

clever

Correct article usage

a clever

show examples

idea to

rise

Correct your spelling

raise

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

revenue. educating citizens

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

a lot of benefits .

For example

, they can change their

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

it means

Verb problem

which

show examples

might reduce the crime rate or

Wrong verb form

increase

show examples

increased

Correct pronoun usage

increased it

show examples

On the other hand

, promoting the festivals

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

also

important for tourism and it will

increse

Correct your spelling

increase

the number of

tourist

Change to a plural noun

tourists

show examples

This

means more and more people come to visit our country and it will support the revenue

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

good opportunity to encourage places that are beautiful.

For instance

, the coachella is

most

Change the adjective

apply

show examples

biggest festival in

this

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

world so many international people go there just

watch

Fix the infinitive

to watch

show examples

the concert. In conclusion,

Change the capitalization

show examples

support

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

both

concept

Fix the agreement mistake

concepts

show examples

amd

Correct your spelling

and

neither of them great way to earn

lot

Change the article

a lot

show examples

of value.

Submitted by tselmuunzagaa on Thu Oct 03 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

Ensure that your essay clearly addresses the prompt. Although you have mentioned both sides of the argument, your own position could be more clearly stated and justified with stronger arguments and clearer organization throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on refining the logical flow of your essay. The transition from discussing social programs to tourism could be smoother, and the connection between sentences and paragraphs could be clearer to enhance coherence.

Task Achievement

Try to provide more specific examples and elaborate on your points. For example, explaining how education directly alleviates poverty with detailed examples or data could strengthen your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion. These elements frame the essay, helping guide the reader.

Task Achievement

You touched on key aspects: the impact of festivals on tourism and revenue and the value of investment in social programs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

232 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

frantic attempt
promote festivals
revenue generation
cultural heritage
national pride
economic boost
job creation
pressing issues
disadvantaged communities
long-term benefits
cycle of poverty
balanced approach
Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
economic growth
underprivileged sections
social welfare
tangible impact
public health
crime rates

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
In many countries, individuals or their employers pay for medical treatment. Should the government be more responsible for the health of their citizens? Discuss and give your opinion.
There is ongoing debate regarding whether governments should take more responsibility for citizens' health rather than individuals pay for themselves. This essay will explore both perspectives and arrive at my own conclusion.
5.5
band
Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say band that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.
In our fast-paced world, the phenomenon of the impacts of modern technology on our lives has been a controversial and disputable issue. Some addresses that recent digital improvements are an effective way to bond people together, while others allege that this would cause individuals separation from each other. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will elucidate both viewpoints and give my humble opinion.
7
band
In some counntries, the cost of living is rapidly increasing. What do you think may be the reasons for this? What effects might this have on society?
Living costs in some countries are swiftly rising. This is because the inflation rate is high. As a result, the people's buying power is weakened. This essay will discuss how it has become the main reason and how it affects society's purchasing power.
5
band
Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than their achievements, which has set a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Over recent years, there is a rapid increase in celebrity followship because of their fame and the class despite their achievements. As a result, young generation is adversely affected by the high wishes of achieving fame without working hard. Although, there are arguments on both sides but I believe that recently the trend have changed and anybody who have wealth to show is somehow famous.
5
band
In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree ot disagree with this statement?
Some say that In the coming years traditionally produced, on paper media would be withdrawed by digital solutions, and that the modern form of getting information would not require any payments from users. I entirely support the statement that printed words are not likely to survive in the upcoming era. However, I do not believe that journalists would survive if the access to their work will be for free.

Central and local governments make a frantic attempt to promote festivals to create a lot of revenue. Some people think this money should be invested in social programmes for the poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, individuals or their employers pay for medical treatment. Should the government be more responsible for the health of their citizens? Discuss and give your opinion.

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say band that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

In some counntries, the cost of living is rapidly increasing. What do you think may be the reasons for this? What effects might this have on society?

Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than their achievements, which has set a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree ot disagree with this statement?