These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outways disadvantages in family developement.
Nowadays, many citizens leave their country of origin including their family members, in order to have a work
oppurtunity
overseas. My opinion on Correct your spelling
opportunity
this
matter leans more on the positive effect and outweighing
the negative effect of family development.
In general, people sought to look for Wrong verb form
outweighs
oppurtunities
abroad mainly for financial reasons, better healthcare and education for themselves and their family members. On the disadvantage, a migrating family may encounter adjustments to a community. At the same time, their children may find it hard to mingle Correct your spelling
opportunities
to
their new environment at school. Take an example, Change preposition
with
school-age
child may encounter homesickness that may affect the entire family. The family may experience discrimination and may not cope well Correct article usage
a school-age
to
the new environment.
On Change preposition
with
the
positive note, a family may have an Correct article usage
a
oppurtunity
to have a fresh start in Correct your spelling
opportunity
the
new country. Parents' who migrated for work means better financial gain and income for the entire family. Correct article usage
a
Moreover
, the increase on financial
side may signify good insurance, healthcare budget, housing and food for the family. For Add an article
the financial
an
instance, the family may go Correct article usage
apply
to
vacation to make the bond stronger. The family may develop stronger emotional Change preposition
on
bond
as they will hold on together for survival and reliance.
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
Overall
, working parents who migrate with their family
may encounter different challenges, but in my Fix the agreement mistake
families
opinion
the benefits will Add a comma
opinion,
outweight
the disadvantages. Disadvantages Correct your spelling
outweigh
such
as homesickness and discrimination will be overpowereed
with positive development namely stronger emotional Correct your spelling
overpowered
bond
and Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
new
start.Add an article
a new
Submitted by emmagallares on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear opinion on the topic and shows a general understanding of the advantages and disadvantages of family relocation. To improve, try to provide more detailed examples and expand on specific points to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
In the coherence and cohesion area, your essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with more detailed supporting examples to enhance coherence.
task achievement
You have introduced relevant points in your discussion on the benefits and challenges of working abroad with family. Remember to further elaborate on your examples and provide more nuanced analysis to enhance the depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs, as this will strengthen the cohesiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, and you have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion that reflect your stance on the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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