IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #governments #access #people’s #phone #records #messages #safety #information #permission
There is a strong debate whether the
government
shuld has
Wrong verb form
should have
show examples
 access to check the private
messages
 and calls of the citizens or not. It is agreed that
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 phone calls and
messages
 must stay confidential and private but as long as
this
 access will
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and protect the community,
then
 I
am totally agree
Change the verb form
totally agree
show examples
 with letting the
government
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
check
messages
 and calls to serve the country.
However
,
this
 essay
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will discuss why
such
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 should be reachable and give examples to illustrate the condition. On one hand, some individuals complain that some security
agenies
Correct your spelling
agencies
 which
is belong
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
 to the
government
 keep
spy
Wrong verb form
spying
show examples
 on their private calls and texts
while
 they have not
give
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 any consent
regard
Change the form of the verb
regarding
show examples
this
 issue. These people only think about
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 selfs
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entirly
Correct your spelling
entirely
 neglect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home security and safety.
For example
, a lot of
terriorst
Correct your spelling
terrorist
 attacks were stopped before
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 happened just because the
government
 discovered the plan on text
messages
 and phone calls.
On the other hand
, advancement of the technology and mobile applications
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 helped terrible people to use it in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong way.
For instance
, some teenagers
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 some apps to record girls in videos and blackmail them. So,
as a result
, some young girls were mentally and
psycologically
Correct your spelling
psychologically
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 because of
misuse
Correct article usage
the misuse
show examples
 of
this
 technology.
Therefore
, once the
ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
show examples
 of
security
Capitalize word
Security
show examples
 of each country can access these apps,
this
 will lead to captured criminals and prevent
harms
Fix the agreement mistake
harm
show examples
 before
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
.
To sum up
,
although
 each
humen
Correct your spelling
human
 being
have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 the right to have secrets and private life, the
government
 must explain
this
 is an
urgency
Replace the word
urgent
show examples
 method to keep and secure the safety of the community.
Submitted by 361109698 on

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Grammar
Work on ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct plural forms. For example, replace 'government shuld has' with 'government should have' and 'some security agenies which is' with 'some security agencies which are.'
Lexical Resource
Try to use synonyms to avoid the repetition of words or phrases. For example, instead of repeating 'government,' you could also use 'authorities' or 'state.'
Task Response
Use more specific examples to support your points, such as referencing actual cases or incidents, to make your essay more convincing and detailed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You've offered balanced viewpoints by discussing both sides of the argument, which effectively addresses the task prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion on the matter.
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