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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

with a fast pace of modern life, more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meal. do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#pace #life #people #food
In
present
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the present
show examples
scanerio
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scenario
,
modern
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the modern
show examples
 population is taking
a junk
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junk food
a portion of junk food
show examples
food
 as a main meal.
Its
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It's
It is
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 a burning issue nowadays. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all the pros, there are some cons as well. And I believe its disadvantages overshadow its advantages to some extent.
Consequently
, I shall put forward both the sides in following writeup. To commence with the demerits, first and foremost one is health
issue
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issues
show examples
. Fast
food
 is very minacious for
human
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the human
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 body because it contains
lot
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a lot
show examples
 of unhealthy ingredients.
For instance
, street foods are made of too
much
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many
show examples
 spices and
oil
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oils
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 and
ultimately
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are ultimately
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 very rich in calories which paves the way
of
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for
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 diseases like obesity, heart attack, diabetes and many more.
Although
its
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it
show examples
taste
Correct subject-verb agreement
tastes
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 delicious,
its
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it's
it is
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 bitter for
long
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a long
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liofe
Correct your spelling
time
. One more additional thing is
these
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this
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food
 is
costly
Correct quantifier usage
more costly
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 than home cooked
food
. So,
its
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it's
it is
show examples
 much more relevant for
individual
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individuals
show examples
 to eat at home rather than spending
a
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apply
show examples
money on harmful
food
. Meanwhile, fast
food
 has some advantages too.
Firstly
,
its
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it
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 time saving
thus
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and thus
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 very suitable for
them
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those
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, who are working full-time. To
examplify
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exemplify
,
someone
Correct word choice
if someone
show examples
 is working from morning to evening and
then
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not have enough time to cook
food
then
 they can straight go and buy something to mitigate their
hungerness
Correct your spelling
hungers
hungriness
.
Secondly
,
its
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it's
it is
show examples
 tasty
that is
 why more
food
 lovers are very fond of fast
food
 now. To recapitulate the discussion, I pen down saying that fast
food
 is not good for
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
 even if it has a big
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
 advantage.
Thus
, its disadvantages are
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 concerning thing and its advantages
ecilipsed
Correct your spelling
eclipsed
 by disadvantages.
Submitted by pratikmistry090 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more logically, with a clear structure for each paragraph to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the introduction to set the context more clearly and address both advantages and disadvantages explicitly.
Task Achievement
Work on using more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
Task Achievement
Clarify your main ideas more comprehensively to strengthen the task response.
Task Achievement
You provided a broad response to the question with both advantages and disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
A conclusion was included, which summarized the discussion and provided an overall opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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