IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people argue that governments should make laws regarding people's nutrition and food choices to improve public health while others contend that this is the freedom of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
While
Linking Words
 the
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 about making laws regarding
people
Use synonyms
's nutrition and
food
Use synonyms
choiced
Correct your spelling
choices
choice
 is great
debat
Correct your spelling
debate
debit
.I would support
theat
Correct your spelling
that
 leaving it to
people
Use synonyms
's choice
due to
Linking Words
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 reasons.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, when it
comeas
Correct your spelling
comes
 to
food
Use synonyms
evryone
Correct your spelling
everyone
 wants to take
Correct article usage
the liberity
show examples
liberity
Correct your spelling
liberty
 of intake irrespective of
Correct article usage
the nutrtions
show examples
nutrtions
Correct your spelling
nutrition
nutrients
 which our body gets rather they do enjoy the
food
Use synonyms
 taste.
Body paragraph 2
Also
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 who have
allergetic
Correct your spelling
allergic
allergenic
 to
food
Use synonyms
 would
obivously
Correct your spelling
obviously
 have limited
food
Use synonyms
 choices,if
this
Linking Words
 adds the conditions on
food
Use synonyms
 habits might be a chance to be
debt
Add an article
the debt
a debt
show examples
 of
nutritions
Correct your spelling
nutrition
show examples
 in
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 and lead to
seroius
Correct your spelling
serious
 health consequences like low BP,sugar etc.
instead
Linking Words
better
Change preposition
of better
show examples
 to avoid putting
presure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 on
people
Use synonyms
's
food
Use synonyms
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
.
Body paragraph 3
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 issues with Obesity will
be benifited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their health conditions by
implyimg
Correct your spelling
implementing
 these restrictions on
intake
Correct article usage
the intake
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
Based on
this
Linking Words
, I feel leaving
food
Use synonyms
 choices
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
Use synonyms
people 's
Change noun form
people
show examples
 is good.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. An effective introduction sets up the topic and outlines your viewpoint, while a strong conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
logical structure
Use clear and logical transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Consider using cohesive devices like 'moreover', 'in addition', 'however', or 'on the other hand' to enhance flow.
relevant specific examples
Provide specific examples or evidence that support your viewpoint. This will help clarify and strengthen your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Aim for more comprehensive ideas by exploring each point in a more detailed and clear way. Expand on the reasons why laws might have positive or negative effects on public health or personal freedom.
task achievement
You have included different perspectives in your essay which shows your understanding of the topic.
supported main points
You've presented some reasons to support your viewpoint, demonstrating an understanding of the debate.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health concern
  • legislative measures
  • obesity rates
  • healthcare costs
  • unhealthy ingredients
  • mandatory nutritional labeling
  • junk food advertising
  • consumer choices
  • dietary choices
  • personal responsibility
  • autonomy
  • interference
  • government overreach
  • authoritarianism
  • root causes
  • accessibility to healthy food
What to do next:
Look at other essays: