IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people argue that governments should make laws regarding people's nutrition and food choices to improve public health while others contend that this is the freedom of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #laws #nutrition #food #choices #health #freedom #choice #responsibility
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While
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 the
arguement
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argument
 about making laws regarding
people
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's nutrition and
food
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choiced
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choices
choice
 is great
debat
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debate
debit
.I would support
theat
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that
 leaving it to
people
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's choice
due to
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following
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the following
show examples
 reasons.
Firstly
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, when it
comeas
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comes
 to
food
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evryone
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everyone
 wants to take
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the liberity
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liberity
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liberty
 of intake irrespective of
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the nutrtions
show examples
nutrtions
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nutrition
nutrients
 which our body gets rather they do enjoy the
food
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 taste.
Also
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,
People
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 who have
allergetic
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allergic
allergenic
 to
food
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 would
obivously
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obviously
 have limited
food
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 choices,if
this
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 adds the conditions on
food
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 habits might be a chance to be
debt
Add an article
the debt
a debt
show examples
 of
nutritions
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nutrition
show examples
 in
body
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the body
show examples
 and lead to
seroius
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serious
 health consequences like low BP,sugar etc.
instead
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better
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of better
show examples
 to avoid putting
presure
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pressure
 on
people
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's
food
Use synonyms
habbits
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habits
.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who
has
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have
show examples
 issues with Obesity will
be benifited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their health conditions by
implyimg
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implementing
 these restrictions on
intake
Correct article usage
the intake
show examples
 of
food
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. Based on
this
Linking Words
, I feel leaving
food
Use synonyms
 choices
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
Use synonyms
people 's
Change noun form
people
show examples
 is good.
Submitted by swathi.neni1913 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. An effective introduction sets up the topic and outlines your viewpoint, while a strong conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
logical structure
Use clear and logical transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Consider using cohesive devices like 'moreover', 'in addition', 'however', or 'on the other hand' to enhance flow.
relevant specific examples
Provide specific examples or evidence that support your viewpoint. This will help clarify and strengthen your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Aim for more comprehensive ideas by exploring each point in a more detailed and clear way. Expand on the reasons why laws might have positive or negative effects on public health or personal freedom.
task achievement
You have included different perspectives in your essay which shows your understanding of the topic.
supported main points
You've presented some reasons to support your viewpoint, demonstrating an understanding of the debate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health concern
  • legislative measures
  • obesity rates
  • healthcare costs
  • unhealthy ingredients
  • mandatory nutritional labeling
  • junk food advertising
  • consumer choices
  • dietary choices
  • personal responsibility
  • autonomy
  • interference
  • government overreach
  • authoritarianism
  • root causes
  • accessibility to healthy food
What to do next:
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