In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Recent
years, it Change preposition
In recent
is
discovered that the average weight of citizens is facing an upward trend. At the same Wrong verb form
has been
time
, their health
and fitness levels are plummeting which means that they are facing more health
problems. Personally, I think the main reasons are the appearance of unhealthy food
and the convenient transportation
systems in the cities.
First and foremost, in order to suit with
Change preposition
apply
people
’s high-speed lives(fast-paced lifestyles), more fast food
has been created and chosen by people
. Fast food
, such
as french
fried, hamburgers, Capitalize word
French
fried
chicken, Correct word choice
and fried
although
they are yummy, they are high in calorates
and fats. Correct your spelling
calories
However
, the advantage is that they can be made in a short period, in comparison with home-made food
, or taking meals in a gorgeous restaurant. For example
in KFC, you can enjoy your delicious food
after you have ordered maybe just in five minutes. It attracted many people
, especially who
are at school or Correct pronoun usage
those who
in
work. Change preposition
at
As a result
, their weights keep rising and different health
issues appear. Given this
circumstance, I think governors should establish laws to control the situation. For instance
, in some countries, advertisments
regarding fast Correct your spelling
advertisements
foods
are not allowed to be played on TV during Fix the agreement mistake
food
the
Correct article usage
apply
after school
Add a hyphen
after-school
time
, to ensure children won’t be affected.
In addition
, with the advanced transportation
system and more and more people
owning their private vehicles, they have less
chances to walk. Statistics Change the quantifier
fewer
has
found that nowadays more citizens have owned their automobiles. It means that they can access Correct subject-verb agreement
have
to
other places easily by just sitting Change preposition
apply
on
their cars and transport by electricity. Change preposition
in
People
without cars can also
travel by rail transports
, public vehicles, etc. They may originally don’t have Fix the agreement mistake
transport
time
to do sports owing to the limited spare time
. Now, because of the
convenient Correct article usage
apply
transportation
, the opportunities for them to exercise their bodies, such
as walking are even lessened. Consequently
, they become heavier and more unhealthy. In view of this
, it is suggested governments can help to promote the benefits of exercising. For example
, making posters to encourage citizens riding
bikes Change the verb form
to ride
instead
of taking cars.
To sum up
, owing to the appearance of excessive
unhealthy Change the word
excessively
food
and the convenient transportation
way, people
get fat and easier to suffer from various health
problems.Submitted by asllchkied on
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task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your main ideas in each paragraph and ensure that they're comprehensive. Some points could be more explicitly connected to the overall topic to aid reader understanding.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your points. This not only adds credibility but also engages the reader more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Continue to work on structuring your arguments logically. Sometimes the linkage between points and paragraphs could be smoother for better flow.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively by discussing both causes and solutions related to the issue of increasing weight and declining health.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in reader comprehension.
coherence cohesion
You used a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures throughout your essay, demonstrating a solid grasp of English language proficiency.