IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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A proliferation of high-achieving students globally
prove
Change the verb form
proves
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 that youths are reliant on obtaining outstanding grades.
Moreover
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, adults are
also
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 chasing their dreams, pushing themselves to secure holistic jobs.
However
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, can
this
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 be an indication of
success
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? Does it mean those achieving
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 are failures?
Therefore
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, I believe that
success
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 is subjective and depends on the curation one depicts about it.
To begin
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 with, many people believe that
success
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 means being preeminent in anything they do. The fear of failure and acquiring validation from others
being
Wrong verb form
are
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 the predominant
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 to fuel their motivation.
For instance
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,
this
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 includes ranking first in any examinations or tournaments and
subsequently
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 securing jobs in large Multinational Corporations (
MNC
Correct your spelling
MNCs
). They are entrenched in the thought that winning is the definition of
success
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.
Nonetheless
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, they are not wrong, as being successful is subjective. In brief, most individuals have ingrained a clear understanding of the meaning of
success
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.
On the other hand
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, I am an advocate of
success
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 being the improvements made along the way.
This
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 is because gradual developments should
also
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 be celebrated.
In addition
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, humans are able to maintain composure if something does not work out. Obviously, life is a cycle, there will always be ups and downs,
thus
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 my depiction of
success
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 would be to pick myself up after a downtime.
For example
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, telling myself I did great on a low test score, trusting that I will do better in the future. In short,
this
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 positive reinforcement
allow
Change the verb form
allows
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 humans to pick themselves up and improve themselves. In conclusion, every individual has their own portrayals of
success
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.
Moreover
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, there is not only a single interpretation on the subject. The relentless
pusuit
Correct your spelling
pursuit
 of
success
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 of others should never be commented
as
Change preposition
on as
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 it could potentially demotivate them.
Thus
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, we as human beings must respect each others' opinions in order to live a peaceful life, as not everyone is on the same frequency and pathway as each other.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear view of success from different perspectives, but it could enhance its clarity by explicitly stating the main argument in the introduction.
task achievement
Some points could be explored further to provide a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Consider linking the paragraphs more smoothly to improve logical flow and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be refined for clarity and succinctness.
task achievement
The essay offers an interesting perspective on the subjectivity of success and supports it with examples.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, providing a good structure.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and leaves the reader with a thought-provoking statement.
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