IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Because of the negative effects on health of an inactive lifestyle, all university students and school children should be forced to do sports activities at least 3 times per week. Do you agree? Write your argumentative essay.

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Education, per se, knows no boundary; what has made us what we are,
master
Fix the agreement mistake
masters
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 of the universe, is nothing but education, springing into myriads of things, whether tangible or intangible.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, experience in
school
Use synonyms
, including friendships or living alone, is significant and precious following adult life. Admitting that there is always the other side of the coin of advantages or disadvantages to
this
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 question statement, the answer varies from person to person, depending on the value systems or the personal traits. All in all, I agree that
students
Use synonyms
 should exercise in their
school
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 for two reasons. First and foremost, I believe that stamina built up by
sports
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 helps us endure a longer time studying.
Moreover
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, many scientists and papers indicate that exercise enables us to improve our productivity and concentration.
Although
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 I
do
Verb problem
have
show examples
 not
decide
Wrong verb form
decided
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 whether a minimum of 3 times per week for
sports
Use synonyms
 is sufficient or not, regularly moving bodies gives benefits to
students
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’ performance.
Besides
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, the routine is not only a temporary merit in
school
Use synonyms
 life but
also
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 a great asset to work in a healthy state throughout our lifetime.
Therefore
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,
students
Use synonyms
 must have opportunities to do physical
activities
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.
Secondly
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, friendships or teamwork, which are formed in
sports
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activities
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, endow
students
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 with high motivation and good mental health. Most
students
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 who prepare for getting good scores or applying
school
Use synonyms
 of their choice tend to feel isolated or lonely. In fact, when I was a high
school
Use synonyms
 student, I perceived these feelings.
However
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, football in the PE class encouraged me to communicate with my classmates and,
as a result
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, alleviated my stress from my hectic study schedule. In conclusion, regular
sports
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activities
Use synonyms
 give
students
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 good effects, which is not only physical strength to keep their concentration on study but
also
Linking Words
 maintaining good mental health to confront hard situations.
Hence
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, we have to incorporate exercise into the
school
Use synonyms
 curriculum.
That is
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 my view.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and that all subsequent sentences contribute to developing that idea. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
While the examples provided are relevant, try to incorporate more detailed examples or statistics to strongly support your arguments. This will enhance clarity and strengthen your task response.
task achievement
Be cautious of small grammatical errors that can affect clarity. Proofreading your essay can help in catching these minor issues.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
The essay is well-organized with each paragraph supporting the central thesis with relevant ideas.
task achievement
The use of personal experience adds a personal touch and makes the argument more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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