IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

One of your friends wants to apply for a job at a summer school camp as a sports trainer. Write a letter to the camp manager to recommend your friend. In your letter: • say well you know your friend • describe the qualification and experience that your friend has • explain why your friend would be suitable for this job.

#friends #job #summer #school #camp #sports #trainer #manager #friend #qualification
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Dear Sir or Madam I am writing to formally recommend my friend, Brown, for the position of
sports
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 trainer at your summer school camp. I have known Brown for several years and can attest to his passion for teaching
sports
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 skills to children. He possesses excellent interpersonal skills and can easily connect with students. Brown has previous experience working as a
sports
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 trainer for a city school, where he demonstrated his dedication and expertise. His proficiency in volleyball and handball, particularly in beach settings, is remarkable. I have personally attended training sessions with him and have witnessed his ability to excel and motivate others. I am confident that Brown's extensive experience, skills, and unwavering dedication make him exceptionally well-suited for the role of
sports
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 trainer at your camp. I sincerely hope you will consider my recommendation and offer him
this
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 opportunity. Thank you for your attention to
this
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 matter. I eagerly await your response Yours faithfully Jacob
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your task achievement, ensure that your letter's content fully addresses all parts of the prompt. While you have covered all the prompt aspects, try adding more details about your friend’s specific achievements and instances where they have demonstrated their qualifications.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on enhancing the logical flow between ideas within paragraphs. You've done a great job structuring the letter and keeping paragraphs focused on single ideas, but you can improve by making better transitions between sentences for smoother reading.
Greeting and Closing
Keep practicing your greeting and closing phrases to ensure they are always appropriate and varied according to the context of your letter. Your choice in this letter is suitable, but experimenting with different phrases could offer more nuanced expressions of respect or camaraderie, where appropriate.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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