Training 65-year-olds people to use computer would be a good use of government money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Currently,some
people
consider that teaching IT spheres to old people
,more specifically to 65-years-old
Correct your spelling
65-year-old
people
is the true way of spending government's
money. Correct article usage
the government's
While
others argue that teaching computer science to old people
is not a good idea. In my worldview, this
idea has both advantages and disadvantages too. Although
,if old Correct word choice
However
people
learn to use PCs or laptops,the government
will have more office workers
, and adults cannot learn new things easily. Additionally
, many older workers
do not want to learn it too. For these reasons, I partially agree with this
statement.
Spending the government
's budget on teaching computers
to adults can affect to good side. If 65-year-old people
learn to use modern devices,they can work in several offices works
,like HR manager,PR manager or accountant. Teaching Verb problem
apply
this
sphere can create new workers
in several workspaces. For instance
,in many European countries life differences increased slightly and they need educated workers
to work on computers
. And at this
moment old people
can study new gadgets and can help to increase of government
's budget.Furthermore
,in fact,many European countries's citizens live in the mountains or far from cities.People
,who live there can earn money from big distances, by working online.To sum up
,computer teaching to old people
can help to country's finances.
On the other hand
, several thousand old people
cannot work on PCs. Because many of their brains started working much more slowly and
they are not able to learn new things fast. Correct word choice
apply
Furthermore
, they have many diseases,like eye problems,heart attack,miasma or cancer.For these health problems, they cannot stay in one chair for several hours.Also
,using laptops or computers
can damage their health too. Because of these reasons, teaching old people
to use computers
won't be a good future plan and it will be fall dawn.
In conclusion, although
they can learn something and it can have several good effects, their brain and their health will be big problem
for them and for other Fix the agreement mistake
problems
people
.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
Ensure your thesis statement clearly aligns with your body paragraphs. In this essay, your introduction mentions both advantages and disadvantages, yet the paragraph development seems unequal.
task achievement
Clarify your main ideas and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point followed by relevant examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the coherence by using more connective phrases (e.g., consequently, in contrast, however) to better guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear opening to the topic and a closing summary, which ties the points together.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, like mentioning European countries, which enhanced the realism and relevance of your argument.
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