IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to control what people are saying and doing (for instance, through cellphone tracking and security. cameras. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #control #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases #development
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In recent years , the use
op
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of
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 technology to monitor
people
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people's
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 activities ,
such
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 as cell phone tracking and CCTV cameras,
las
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has
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 become increasingly common.
While
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this
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 development has several
benefit
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benefits
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, including increased security and
conuiniene
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convenience
, it has
also
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 raised concerns, about privacy
ant
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and
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potential
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the potential
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 for abuse, in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 the benefits of
this
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 technological
advacement
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advancement
 outweigh the drawbacks , but only if used responsibly al properly regulated . One
or
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of
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 the main benefits of monitoring technology is improved public safety. pudic safety and crime prevention.
For example
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, CCTV cameras in public spots can deter criminal activity and help law enforcement solve crimes more effectively.
Additionally
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 , cell phone tracking can help in finding missing people or responding to emergencies making communities safer
overall
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. another benefit is the
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convenience
convinience
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convenience
 and
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efficiency
efficiently
efficienty
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efficiency
it brings to
every day
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everyday
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 life
for example
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 , cell phone tracking allows apps to provide
persolized
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personalized
personalised
 services
such
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az
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as
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 navigation
reccomdation
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recondition
 or finding lost devices
similarly
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 companies can use
this
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 function for tracking usually citizens or good transit.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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grammar
Ensure you check your work for typos and grammatical errors, as this can affect clarity and coherence. For example, 'las' should be 'has', 'conuiniene' should be 'convenience', and 'ant' should be 'and'.
structure
Your essay would benefit from a more defined structure. Consider clearly outlining your main points in the introduction and summarizing them in a conclusion.
balance
For a more complete response, ensure you explore both sides of the argument in detail and provide a balanced discussion on the advantages and disadvantages.
introduction
You effectively introduced the topic and provided your opinion clearly, which sets a solid foundation for your discussion.
relevance
Your essay discusses relevant points about the benefits of technology in improving public safety and convenience, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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