Some people believe zoos, where wild animals are kept in a man-made environment, should no longer exist in the twenty century. Do you agree or disagree?
In recent years people thought if we would take off the man-made environments and let
animals
live wherever they like it will
be good to share your day with different kinds of Wrong verb form
would
animals
. I totally disagree with this
statement. This
essay will outline the importance of keeping the dangerous wild animals
in their places and the cage benefits.
On the one hand, it is enormous
problem to keep Correct article usage
an enormous
animals
with the will of killing
outside their place. In Change preposition
to kill
otherwords
, The reason is if they Correct your spelling
other words
felt
hungry no one can stop them, they will dominate Wrong verb form
feel
all
the Correct determiner usage
apply
city
Correct word choice
whole city
and
ruin everything and kill innocent people. Correct word choice
apply
Moreover
, in Saudi Arabia 2020 29th of December, me and my family saw 2 lions out of their cage eating 3 kids and
their Correct word choice
apply
familes
were watching them dying without doing anything Correct your spelling
families
this
is because the lions were out of their own cage
.
Fix the agreement mistake
cages
On the other hand
, there are many advantages to keep
the wild Wrong verb form
keeping
animals
in their jail. It is also
possible to say that, if we want to continue in
exploring new things about Change preposition
apply
animals
we should keep them in their own places and study them. Furthermore
, it is obvious that if we want to take to take
the most benefits from Remove the redundancy
apply
animals
we should keep them in cages. For instance
, There
is a University in Saudi Fix capitalization
there
Arabis
called KFUPM Correct your spelling
Arabia
studied
how Correct pronoun usage
that studied
animals
react in their place and outside, the researchers found that animals
in the zoo act very norm
not like Replace the word
normally
animals
outside.
In conclusion, I tend to believe that keeping the animals
in their outside it
is good for the Correct pronoun usage
apply
animals
and for all humans.Submitted by bcynfn159 on
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task achievement
Make sure your examples are clearly linked to the points you are making and support your argument effectively. In the first body paragraph, clarify how the example of lions in Saudi Arabia is directly related to your argument about the danger of wild animals being outside cages.
task achievement
Ensure each of your points is clearly developed. Expand more on your ideas to better demonstrate your understanding of the topic. For instance, you could explore more reasons why zoos are beneficial beyond the potential danger of wild animals.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clearly defined central idea and flows logically to the next. Ensure transitions are smooth between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices to guide the reader through the essay and link your ideas more effectively. Words and phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' and 'On the contrary' can help make your argument more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Try to elaborate on your ideas with more clarification. For example, in the conclusion, instead of repeating points, you might consider summarizing the main arguments and possibly offering a reflection or a prediction about the future.
structure
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your response.
task achievement
You provided examples to back up your points, which is a great way to support your argument, even though they could be more directly relevant.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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