IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that intelligence is innate while others think that we can improve our intelligence through learning. Discuss both sides and give your opinon.

#people #intelligence #opinon
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Other
people
 consider
intelligence
 as naturally
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 or inborn to the person.
On the other hand
, other
people
 think that
intelligence
 can be improved through learning. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both key points on
intelligence
 as a natural phenomenon and a working progress.
Firstly
,
inteligence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 is part of
human
Add an article
the human
a human
show examples
 component from birth to death. Every normal human being is born with
brain
Correct article usage
a brain
show examples
 and its function to operate.
This
 can
be explain
Change the verb form
be explained
show examples
 scientifically, by
this
 anatomical physical structure of every human being that has an
untangible
Correct your spelling
intangible
show examples
 capacity to think. The process of thinking and organizing knowledge which scientific minds consider as "
intelligence
".
Although
,
intelligence
 may be subjective and in different
variation
Fix the agreement mistake
variations
show examples
, every human being is technically born with it.
For example
, there are successful
people
 who rose from poverty, self-made and unhealthy
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 who are very intelligent despite the circumstances and their ancestry. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
intelligence
 can be honed by continuous development. Sitting with a natural talent which is
intelligence
 is a waste if you do not enhance it. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance,
bodily kinesthetic
Add a hyphen
bodily-kinesthetic
show examples
 intelligent
people
 like athletes undergo training
camp
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camps
show examples
 to improve their
skill
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skills
show examples
.
For example
, Kobe Bryant who has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
potential
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 early years
undergone
Wrong verb form
underwent
show examples
 intensive training to be able to qualify
on
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for
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 NBA (National Basketball Association).
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the field of science, Albert Einstein who
cannot
Wrong verb form
could not
show examples
 speak until he reached the age of eight is now a celebrated scientist. He is not born to be highly intellectual in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society's eyes but because of constant
learning
Add a comma
learning,
show examples
 he is considered a genius. His
higher order
Add a hyphen
higher-order
show examples
 thinking skills came from continuous learning and experiment supported by his family. In conclusion,
intelligence
 can be acquired differently. Everyone may have it naturally as part of our anatomy. More importantly, other
people
 may have it through
constant
Add an article
a constant
show examples
 process of learning.
Submitted by emmagallares on

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your paragraphs with clearer topic sentences to improve the logical flow of ideas. A clear structure will help guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Although there is a strong introduction and conclusion, strengthening the links between your points within paragraphs can improve coherence.
task achievement
Expand on both sides of the argument with more detailed examples and explanations to provide a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are comprehensively covered. Some ideas are mentioned but not fully developed, which can affect task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your discussion well.
task achievement
You have given good, relevant examples to support your points, such as Kobe Bryant and Albert Einstein.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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