one of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing
In the present day, high stage. development outweigh the disadvantages as aforementioned.
life
expectancy of Add an article
the life
human
tends to increase during Fix the agreement mistake
humans
the
Correct article usage
apply
advance
medical care. Replace the word
advanced
In
Change preposition
This
this
essay will explain the advantages of the improvement outweigh the disadvantages
Over the past century, people
tend
to live longer compared to the past. Wrong verb form
have tended
meanwhile
the advancement of technologies has been increasing surprisingly, especially in the medical Add a comma
meanwhile,
technology
related to advanced
Add a hyphen
advanced-age
age
patients.
The advantages of advance
medical Replace the word
advanced
technology
may comprise of
many aspects. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, robotic surgery has an
ability to perform complex Change the article
the
operation
in complicated diseases Fix the agreement mistake
operations
such
as renal cancer
, the
disease related to Correct article usage
a
advance
Replace the word
advanced
age
, with less complication and less recovery-rate time compared to open surgery, contemporary operation, which may cause life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
condition
after postoperation. Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
Besides
, the development of cancer
drugs is now high efficiency
Replace the word
highly efficient
to cure
Change preposition
in curing
cancer
in spite ofCorrect article usage
the
According to
the research, people
having stage one or two breast cancer
can be treated effectively from
targeted-drug therapy Change preposition
with
program
. Fix the agreement mistake
programs
Moreover
, people
having last
stage of breast Change the article
the last
cancer
, undergo targeted drug
, can be cured and have longer Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
life
expectancy compared to the past.
However
, the
increasing Change preposition
with the
age
, the
Correct word choice
and the
increasing
Change the word
increasingly
more
complex disease, some of Correct quantifier usage
apply
technologies
have Add an article
the technologies
its limitation
. Fix the agreement mistake
their limitations
For example
, aggressive cancer
, which characterize
by the involvement Wrong verb form
is characterised
through
the body, might not be succussed by one operation even Change preposition
of
high
Correct word choice
if high
technology
is performed. Some patients need combination
Correct article usage
a combination
both
surgery and non-surgery treatment in order the achieve the goal of treatment.
To summarize, long-Change preposition
of both
life
expectancy contributes to advance
Replace the word
advanced
technology
which can save people
Change noun form
people's
life
from complicated Fix the agreement mistake
lives
disease
because of Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
advance
Replace the word
advanced
age
. Even through
some cannot be treated by one choice of treatment, Correct your spelling
though
advantages
ofCorrect article usage
the advantages
Add an article
the
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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating your main arguments or points to be discussed. This will provide a clearer roadmap for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using more transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
task achievement
Offer a more detailed discussion on the possible disadvantages of improved medical care to provide a more balanced view.
task achievement
Ensure all ideas are fully developed and clearly explained. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your response.
relevant specific examples
The essay effectively uses examples to illustrate the advancements in medical technology and their impact on life expectancy.
supported main points
The main points about the advantages of improved medical care are well-supported with examples.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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