IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays some governments are providing high-feature training amenities to their top competitors rather than providing public space. In my view,
this
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 is a both negative and positive
development
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the upsides and downsides of
this
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development
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 including relevant ideas in the given paragraphs. To commence with, high training facilities are equipped with high technologies and materials which will definitely help
athletes
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 to boost their ability and improve their mistakes. In
this
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 era, every nation is looking forward to developing
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 top
players
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 to acquire sporting success across the world.
Similarly
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, if the multi-featured working playground is provided to
athletes
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 the training will be highly effective and the
development
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 of
players
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 will be undefinable.
For instance
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, if star
players
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 are trained privately they will be less distracted from the public and focus on improving their performance.
However
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,
on the other hand
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,
this
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development
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 has negative consequences as there is an equal right for every citizen to use the facilities provided by a nation.
Similarly
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, if government only focuses on their top
players
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then
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 the future of sports will be hampered.
In addition
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, the local
players
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 will be demotivated and discouraged if there is discrimination between top
athletes
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 and them.
However
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, if the general population are trained with top
athletes
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 they will be guided by them and their potential will be higher.
For example
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, in China, all
athletes
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 trained in the same way which increased the number of participants in sports.
To conclude
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, I firmly believe that, the government should prioritize their top sportsperson in order to make them ready for big events.
Following
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this
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, the state should
also
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 give enough priority to local
players
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 to boost their skills and abilities.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points. While the essay includes relevant ideas, offering concrete examples or data can make the arguments more persuasive and insightful.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth logical progression between paragraphs and ideas. While your essay has a general logical flow, try using linking words or phrases to connect ideas and improve readability and transition.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize and discuss the topic, providing a clear stance and summary of the key points discussed.
complete response
The essay effectively discusses both positive and negative aspects of developing specialized sports facilities, addressing all parts of the task question.
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