These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children’s behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

#amount #violence #television #impact #children’s #behaviour

There is no denying the fact that television

programs

provide murderousness

while

it may increase our children's love to kill.

While

it is a commonly held belief that our kid's attitudes could change because of

violences

Change the wording

violence

acts of violence

outbreaks of violence

show examples

programs

, there is

also

an argument that opposes it. In my

opinon

Correct your spelling

opinion

, I consider that it is true to change our

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

attitudes

show examples

To begin

with, in recent years many

programs

give

Wrong verb form

have given

show examples

our generation bad shows.

In other words

, it

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

really

change

Correct subject-verb agreement

changes

show examples

their mindset and

let

Verb problem

makes

show examples

them want to kill or punch anyone they see.

In addition

kids

still do not know the

different

Replace the word

difference

show examples

between

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good and bad.

For example

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

last

10 years we can see that the

kids

want to punch anyone

this

is caused by a lack of understanding and empathy. Parents and educators should work together to teach children how to express their emotions without resorting to

violence

. Another point to consider, educators should reduce the amount of

violence

. It is

also

possible to say that, many

kids

can not take all of the

violence

in the show, it could cause them complex emotions.

Moreover

, it is really scary as long as the

kids

will treat the others like what they see in the

Correct your spelling

show examples

programs

For instance

, imagine a kid punching other boys because he wants to be like the character in the TV program he saw, and the boy gets hurt for no reason

this

will cause problems for both families. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that educators should reduce the amount of

violence

because the

kids

can not stand it.

Submitted by bcynfn159 on Fri Oct 04 2024

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task response

Improve thesis statement to clearly establish your position on the issue.

task response

Develop the main points with more detailed examples and explanations to enhance clarity.

coherence and cohesion

Organize ideas more clearly in each paragraph to enhance the logical flow of the essay.

coherence and cohesion

The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, clearly presenting the thesis statement and summarizing the main points.

task response

The essay addresses the task by expressing a clear opinion on the topic.

task response

There are some relevant ideas and examples provided to support the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

exposure
influence
desensitization
imitate
parental guidance
education
mitigate
negative impact
affected
violent content
behavior
factors

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These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children’s behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that money spent on space exploration is not justifiable. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people consider prices as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (eg. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree.

There has been an increase in the number of homeless people all around the world. What are the causes of it?

Some people think that increasing communication usage of computers and mobile phones by young people has had a negative effect on their reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that international tourism is a bad thing for their countries. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to change this negative attitude towards international tourism?