IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many individuals abuse their power or influence to get their family members jobs that they might not be well-suited for. What are the problems created by this evil and suggest some solutions.

#individuals #abuse #power #influence #members #jobs
Other people practice abuse of authority by wrongfully securing their own family members a position even if the relative is not qualified for the
job
 post. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss the problems and possible solutions
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the nepotism tactics.
Firstly
, handing off a
job
 to an unqualified person through
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 or influence may result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
toxic
Add an article
the toxic
a toxic
show examples
 work environment. It will discredit qualified and hardworking individuals who
applies
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
 for the
job
 in an honest manner. In the long run, potential applicants will not focus on high academic achievements and character,
instead
 it will be solely about connections and networks of their family members.
Secondly
, the unfair selection process will affect the institution as a whole. It will result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
bankcruptcy
Correct your spelling
bankruptcy
 or poor performance.
Thus
, making the employer, coworkers, and investors liable
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the bad
decisons
Correct your spelling
decisions
. One possible key solution is to have a blind application hiring
sytem
Correct your spelling
system
. The board of
hirees
Correct your spelling
hires
show examples
 will select
applicant
Fix the agreement mistake
applicants
show examples
 based on
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 qualities and attitude as the
name
Fix the agreement mistake
names
show examples
 of the applicants will not be
revelead
Correct your spelling
revealed
.
This
 will eliminate the unhealthy system of choosing people based on name,
inlfuence
Correct your spelling
influence
 and
favors
Change the spelling
favours
show examples
.
As a result
, it will provide
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
 to deserving and qualified individuals. Another possible remedy is to have a standardized examination for every
job
seekers
Fix the agreement mistake
seeker
show examples
 in a company. The formal test may eliminate persons who are undeserving and who
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
favors
Change the spelling
favours
show examples
 to secure a position. In conclusion, the corrupt way of using influence is very unprofessional and evil.It will cause problems
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 and companies later on.
On the other hand
, there are solutions
such
 as
blind
Correct article usage
a blind
show examples
 hiring process and standardized
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
 to promote equality
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everyone.
Submitted by emmagallares on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay introduction clearly outlines the topic and the issues to be discussed, which gives a solid foundation. For a higher score, ensure even more focus on providing clear, in-depth explanations or examples for each point, which supports your ideas fully.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly with linking words or phrases to enhance cohesion throughout your essay. Your paragraph structure is clear, but a bit more attention to seamless transitions between ideas could strengthen coherence.
task response
The essay provides a broad overview of the problems and suggests practical solutions to address nepotism in employment. This comprehensive approach addresses the task question effectively.
coherence and cohesion
There's a clear introduction and conclusion that integrates the discussed points well, enhancing the essay's overall structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: