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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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In recent times,
children
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 are often told everything is possible and they can achieve their
goals
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 if they try hard enough. Many believe that it is crucial to give
this
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message
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 to
children
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 in order to make them try their best to achieve their
goals
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.
However
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, there are benefits and drawbacks to
do
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doing
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this
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.
This
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 argument has several strong elements that deserve attention. Let's begin by looking at the advantages of giving
this
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message
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 to kids, the primary reason why it is important is that,
this
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message
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 not only boosts their confidence but
also
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 makes them start taking action in order to accomplish their
goals
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 which is a crucial part in the process of achieving a target. Another reason is that
,
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apply
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this
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message
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 tends to make
children
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 believe that everything is reachable and it is a key mindset to face problems.
For example
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, there are many achievements in human history that at first seemed impossible to attain. Turning to the other side of the argument,
this
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message
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 creates a false belief in
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children
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children's
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 minds that anything they want is reachable no matter what
happened
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happens
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. Many
children
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 who fail in the path of accomplishing their
goals
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 get disappointed because the
message
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 makes them think that they will achieve anything they want,
while
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, failure is an undeniable part of the process
which
Correct word choice
and
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 they can learn many lessons from that they should not stop after that. All things considered, telling
children
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 to believe that they can accomplish anything with hard work is important to develop a mindset that would look for solutions
while
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 facing difficult challenges but
also
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 YOU need to consider drawbacks like getting disappointed by failing in the process which is always a possibility.

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coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured, but consider structuring it with clear paragraphing to enhance logical flow. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea related directly back to the question.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention a specific historical achievement and how perseverance was key to that success.
task achievement
Make sure to balance the advantages and disadvantages evenly. Reflect equally on both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Each point is coherent and logically follows the one before, making for a smoothly connected argument.
task achievement
You address the question directly and provide insights into the topic, illustrating both benefits and drawbacks.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
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