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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below give information about the amount of beer and fruit juice consumed per person per year in different countries. write at least 150 words.

The table below give information about the amount of beer and fruit juice consumed per person per year in different countries. write at least 150 words.
#information #amount #beer #fruit #juice #person #year #countries
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The graph depicts states' ranking regarding demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fruit juice and beer per individual.
Overall
Linking Words
 there are
tree
Correct your spelling
three
show examples
 categories of consumption rank, which is some
countries
Use synonyms
 spotted both and either one included in
this
Linking Words
 top 10. The first type
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 that concluded to both. Germany, Austria, The United Kingdom, Australia, Finland, and The United States were on
this
Linking Words
 classification. Germany and Austria consistently in second to
forth
Correct your spelling
fourth
show examples
 position. On the other side, The United Kingdom and The United States concluded at 6th and 8th, excluding
2nd
Correct article usage
the 2nd
show examples
 position of
latter
Add an article
the latter
show examples
 country regarding fruit juice. Australia
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ranked
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
7th and 6th respectively. Finland
exactly
Add a missing verb
is exactly
show examples
 at 10th and 7th.
Linking Words
Then
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 pattern can be seen in
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 which was both in
9th
Correct article usage
the 9th
show examples
. The
last
Linking Words
 type
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
joining the table at merely one commodity.
This
Linking Words
assesment
Correct your spelling
assessment
 concluded for
countries
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Ireland, Belgium, Denmark, New Zealand, Canada, and Sweden.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 former three
countries
Use synonyms
, its people were categorized in
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 10 in regards
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 beer.
Then
Linking Words
 the rest of them enjoyed fruit juice even more if compared to other
countries
Use synonyms
 around the world.
Submitted by auzarinawukirasih19 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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