IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #percentage #women #poverty #bar #rates #sex #age #states #information #features #comparisons
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The pie and bar charts
showed
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 the percentage of poverty in the United States in 2008. These data were divided by the
women
Use synonyms
’s status: single or
marry
Change the form of the verb
married
show examples
 with children, and compared with males and age
groups
Use synonyms
. The United States Bureau 2008’s report revealed significant information in
this
Linking Words
 survey which
females
Use synonyms
 had an income lower than males, especially young adult
women
Use synonyms
, and infant girls who had a poverty
rate
Use synonyms
 of 20%, and most of these
groups
Use synonyms
 were unmarried
women
Use synonyms
 without children which covered a half of all.
While
Linking Words
 married
women
Use synonyms
 had a percentage lower than 10% in these
groups
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, female poverty showed a fluctuating trend in the second chart
that
Change preposition
in
show examples
adolescents
Correct pronoun usage
which adolescents
show examples
 and immature
females
Use synonyms
 dropped to 15%, and upped to 20%, respectively. Later, their income was higher than those
groups
Use synonyms
 by the poor
rate
Use synonyms
 in middle age decreased from 15% to 10%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the retired
women
Use synonyms
 had a low income
rate
Use synonyms
 of 15%.
Although
Linking Words
 males had higher salaries than
females
Use synonyms
, their
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 were similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
females
Use synonyms
 which had
as
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 equal
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
proportion in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
infants and teens, dropped to 10% in the mature adults, had the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle age, and the retired
groups
Use synonyms
 were below 10%.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words groups, females, women, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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