In many countries today, both men and women need to work full time. Therefore, some people think men and women should share household task equally (e.g. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a contentious issue whether to share household responsibilities equally among both partners or not. Nowadays, it is common
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
mom and dad
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
;
therefore
, I concur we should adjust cleaning and
caring
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care
show examples
for kids
according to
availability. I strongly opt for not making it equal since it will certainly
overwhelmed
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overwhelm
show examples
one of the sides.
Firstly
, assuming that
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
and
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
have a
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
job doesn't mean they have the same amount of benefits related
with
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to
show examples
it.
For example
, my dad was always able to take
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
hours off in case
of
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apply
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
my sister
needs
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
him. He could stay in the office longer
during
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on
show examples
other days and
this
way catch up.
However
, my mom wasn't able to do so. She could only take the full day off without any option to work it back. If she took it, we would have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
holidays with her later on. Certainly, in many cases
equally
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equality
show examples
doesn't mean fair and can be
harming
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harmful
show examples
for
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to
show examples
the whole family.
Furthermore
, some professions require to stay longer than the contract
concern
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concerns
show examples
or to have many trips. In
such
a case there is no way
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
half of the
home related
Add a hyphen
home-related
show examples
tasks. Not only because the person has less energy, but
also
since
Correct word choice
because
show examples
he or she needs enough rest.
Partnership
Add an article
The partnership
A partnership
show examples
should be based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
common support and should be fully flexible
according to
what parties expect and feel. Rough rules can easily destroy the relationship.
To sum up
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
a topical subject if
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
better to spread tasks evenly or not. In my opinion, we should never do so because each person has
different
Change the article
a different
the different
show examples
number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free time and possibilities to offer.
While
Correct word choice
When
show examples
we decide to share things we should take
under
Change preposition
into
show examples
consideration how it will influence each.
Submitted by Aga on

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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, effectively addressing the key question about sharing household tasks. To enhance the clarity of your ideas, consider refining your argument structure so that each main point is more distinct and begins with a clear topic sentence. This will ensure each paragraph clearly supports your position and improves overall readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay's structure is logical, with a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively encapsulate your arguments. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitions between your ideas and paragraphs are smoother. Use linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument. For example, you may use phrases like 'on the other hand,' or 'in addition,' to connect ideas seamlessly.
Task Achievement
Ensure that examples used are entirely clear and consistent. Refining the example about your father's ability to leave work could illuminate your argument more. Specify how these examples illustrate that equal distribution may not always be fair, providing a stronger link to your thesis.
Task Achievement
Your ability to include personal examples adds depth to your argument and helps illustrate your points in a relatable manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which contributes to a logical structure and effectively frames your discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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