In many countries today, both men and women need to work full time. Therefore, some people think men and women should share household task equally (e.g. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is a contentious issue whether to share household responsibilities equally among both partners or not. Nowadays, it is common
that
mom and dad Change preposition
for
work
; Fix the infinitive
to work
therefore
, I concur we should adjust cleaning and caring
for kids Change the verb form
care
according to
availability. I strongly opt for not making it equal since it will certainly overwhelmed
one of the sides.
Change the verb form
overwhelm
Firstly
, assuming that woman
and Fix the agreement mistake
women
man
have a Fix the agreement mistake
men
full time
job doesn't mean they have the same amount of benefits related Add a hyphen
full-time
with
it. Change preposition
to
For example
, my dad was always able to take few
hours off in case Correct article usage
a few
of
Change preposition
apply
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
and
my sister Correct word choice
apply
needs
him. He could stay in the office longer Wrong verb form
needed
during
other days and Change preposition
on
this
way catch up. However
, my mom wasn't able to do so. She could only take the full day off without any option to work it back. If she took it, we would have less
holidays with her later on. Certainly, in many cases Change the quantifier
fewer
equally
doesn't mean fair and can be Replace the word
equality
harming
Replace the word
harmful
for
the whole family.
Change preposition
to
Furthermore
, some professions require to stay longer than the contract concern
or to have many trips. In Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
such
a case there is no way make
half of the Fix the infinitive
to make
home related
tasks. Not only because the person has less energy, but Add a hyphen
home-related
also
since
he or she needs enough rest. Correct word choice
because
Partnership
should be based on Add an article
The partnership
A partnership
the
common support and should be fully flexible Correct article usage
apply
according to
what parties expect and feel. Rough rules can easily destroy the relationship.
To sum up
, its
a topical subject if Replace the word
it's
it is
its
better to spread tasks evenly or not. In my opinion, we should never do so because each person has Correct your spelling
it's
different
number of Change the article
a different
the different
the
free time and possibilities to offer. Correct article usage
apply
While
we decide to share things we should take Correct word choice
When
under
consideration how it will influence each.Change preposition
into
Submitted by Aga
on
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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, effectively addressing the key question about sharing household tasks. To enhance the clarity of your ideas, consider refining your argument structure so that each main point is more distinct and begins with a clear topic sentence. This will ensure each paragraph clearly supports your position and improves overall readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay's structure is logical, with a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively encapsulate your arguments. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitions between your ideas and paragraphs are smoother. Use linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument. For example, you may use phrases like 'on the other hand,' or 'in addition,' to connect ideas seamlessly.
Task Achievement
Ensure that examples used are entirely clear and consistent. Refining the example about your father's ability to leave work could illuminate your argument more. Specify how these examples illustrate that equal distribution may not always be fair, providing a stronger link to your thesis.
Task Achievement
Your ability to include personal examples adds depth to your argument and helps illustrate your points in a relatable manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which contributes to a logical structure and effectively frames your discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example