The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activites at one social centre in melbourne, australia for the period 2000 to 2020

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activites at one social centre in melbourne, australia for the period 2000 to 2020
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph below illustrates the
participants
Change to a genitive case
participant's
participants'
show examples
numbers of various activities at one social
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
Overall
, there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several differences between Melbourne and Australia during the period 2000 to 2020. As can be seen, from 2010 to 2020 the number of table tennis
participants
has been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased dramatically to
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
55
participants
,
while
the number of film club
participants
was fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
has fluctuated
show examples
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
martial
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
has been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fluctuated during the period between 2000
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
2020. Clearly, in 2005 the number of amateur dramatics
participants
was 25
participants
and
then
it
has been decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
yearly until
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
5
participants
in 2020. As shown, there are no
participants
in musical performances, it
was remained
Change to the active voice
remained
show examples
stable during the period between 2000 to 2005, and
then
it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased gradually in 2020 to
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
18
participants
. From an
overall
perspective, it is obvious that there are several differences
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
regarding the
participants
in various activities between 2000
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
2020
Submitted by walkuwari11 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
Vocabulary: Replace the words participants with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: