IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most advertisements make products seem much better than they really are. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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There is no denying the fact that
people
Use synonyms
 want to buy anything from the internet because the
advertisements
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 make it better for us.
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While it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 is a commonly held belief that society
got
Verb problem
has
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 encouraged in the
last
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 5 years to buy almost everything and the reason is they saw an
ad
Use synonyms
 and got impressed. there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that it is true that
people
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 have the ability to make us buy whatever they show.
To begin
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 with,
advertisements
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 were studied a lot just to show the
product
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 in the best form.
In other words
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, big
companies
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 want an advertisement guy because he is the main reason for rising company sales.
In addition
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, even if you do not have enough money to buy the
product
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 they show, you will automatically try to get money as fast as possible just because you like the way they
showed
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 it.
For example
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, Cambridge University showed that 55% of
people
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 in Saudi Arabia in the
last
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 10 days bought something they did not need, they bought it just because they liked the
ad
Use synonyms
. Another point to consider, sadly, many
companies
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 try to sell bad things and they use
advertisements
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 for
this
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that,
companies
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 know that they have a bad
product
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.
Moreover
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, the
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
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 do not know if the
product
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 is good or not so they depend on the
ad
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 in my community depend really on the
ad
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, The reason is they do not have enough time to see the
product
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 in real life. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that it is true, half of
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companies
Add an article
the companies
show examples
 tend to rely on
advertisements
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 just to have the best form for their products, it has really played a major role in making
people
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 buy or not in the
last
Linking Words
 10 years.

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully explained and supported with concrete examples. This will make the argument more compelling and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects seamlessly to the next. This will improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to ensure ideas are expressed clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents two main points supporting the thesis, providing a structured approach to the topic.
task achievement
The author uses specific examples, such as the Cambridge University study, to support the argument, enhancing credibility.
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